Jonnor- A crazy little thing called love
by meleady6620
Summary: After years apart Jude and Connor come back into each other lives. Having not spoken fro year feelings start to resurface, but are they realm or just from the memories of a teenager's crush. (Please review. Feedback would be appreciated)
1. Chapter 1

A crazy little thing called love.

Jude Adams Foster and Connor Stevens had always had a unique friendship. Jude was a peculiar kid not one who would make or have many friends but Connor was one of the cool kids someone everyone liked not exactly someone you would imagine who would befriend Jude but even though it's a cliché you should never judge a book by its cover. He saw Jude on his first day as someone who looked nervous and needed a friend. That was the day their friendship started and like many would face bumps in the road and weaken their bond. The seventh Grade camping trip rolled and recent weeks hadn't been good for their friendship. Connors dad had made it clear that he wasn't keen on their friendships based on friendly pat on the back at the batting cages and Connor had been honest with Jude in standing up to his father, which hurt Jude deeply for he saw a lack of loyalty in his friend. Jude's selective muteism had had an effect on Connor feeing as he felt his friend did not want to speak to him anymore. Determined to right the wrongs he made sure that him and Jude spent every moment of that trip together.

5 Years later.

Time had passed and Jude and Connor drifted apart. They remained close a few weeks after the camping trip but Connors father had the last say. His company was transferring him to New York and no matter how much Connor persisted on staying his dads decision was final, they were moving. He didn't like having break the news to Jude, especially after just reigniting their friendship but ensured him that they would still be best friends and stay in touch. However this was not to be both Jude and Connor found new friends and their contact with each other ceased to exist. Now 5 years on Connor was 18 and had just excepted a scholarship for baseball at Anchor beach University. It felt good for him to get away from his father's clutches in New York and start a fresh. Even though he was coming home his mind had not once thought back to Jude. I mean It had been five years, he had made new friends, he had moved on with his life.

One day whilst minding his business at the local 7/11 he noticed a women. She had a tall skinny physique with long black curly hair. Her face looked familiar but couldn't quite place his finger on it. Curious he followed her around the store, not in a stalker-ish way but more for curiosity. As he followed her around the store he heard someone yell a name. The women turned and greeted the caller. The name instantly struck a chord inside Connor 'Lena'. It was Jude's mom. He watched her as she had her conversation wondering if she would recognise him. As she turned to say goodbye she noticed him staring "Connor?" She called. "Um hi" he said nervously. "Have you been following me?" She asked

"Yeah" he spoke with a stutter " I recognised your face but couldn't place you… anyway how are you?".

"I'm good thanks so is Stef, the kids have all moved away and are getting on with their lives, so what are you doing here last I heard you were in New York?"

"I'm back on a baseball scholarship"

"Glad to hear it" She said

" I uh...best get going, I have class soon" He said trying to escape her "OK well I'll see you around… wait" she yelled. Connor stopped dead in his tracks " You never asked about Jude"

"Oh" he uttered " Um how is he?" he questioned looking at the ground

" He's doing well he's studying abroad having a really great time. I know you two lost contact"

"Yeah well what with it being long distance and meeting new people things just happened… anyway I have to go, tell him I said hi"

"Will do" Lena said as she watched Connor rush for the door like he was trying to escape inferno.

Connor got home and sat on the couch. On the way back all he could think about was Jude. He reached for his laptop next to him and began to look through his old photo albums. He came across a bunch of photos of him and Jude collected over the years, from the first time they attended each other's party's to school trips, yearbook photos and graduation. He sat their motionless staring at the memories he once had with Jude thinking of all the time they had lost and how it could never be returned.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Come on Jude answer already" Lena said to herself staring at the laptop waiting for Jude to answer her skype call.

"Hi mom" Lena jumped from her chair

"Jude oh it's so good to see you, how you doing?"

"I'm good mum, I'm having a really great time, London is such a great city, I'm still trying to get used to the time difference but the course is fantastic and the teacher is great, there's a lot of fantastic people in my class and I've made so really good mates.

"Well I'm glad to hear it, where are you?" Lena said with a smile of joy on her face

"I'm at a café. How's everything back home?" Jude enquired

"We're all doing great, Brandon's doing really well at the music hall, Jesus is doing good so is Mariana and Callie's doing good as well"

"That's good to hear I hope to get back in the break and visit"

"How much time you got before your first class? " Lena asked  
"I've got about an hour" Jud replied

"Well I won't keep you any longer… Oh before I forget I ran into someone today"

"Who?" Jude asked

"I ran into Connor". Jude stared with a surprised look on his face.

"Um how is he?" Jude asked

"He's doing fine he's back here on a baseball scholarship, he told me to tell you he says hi"

"Oh cheers" Jude said as he stared into space thinking about Connor

"Is everything ok honey" Lena asked seeing Jude's concentration lapse

"Um yeah…look I have to leave I need to get ready for class, I'll speak to you soon" Jude hurried as he shut the lid on his laptop

"Ok I'll speak to you soon" Lena said as she watched Jude disappear from her screen. Jude sat in the chair pondering over what Lena had just said. He hadn't spoken to Connor in years and now he was back in anchor beach and Jude was another country. Quickly he grabbed his laptop and scurried back to his home. Once he returned from class he sat on his chair. All day his mind had been on his conversation with Lena and he just couldn't get Connor off his mind. He started at his laptop, he slowly reached for it and began to look through his photo albums. He came across a series of photos of his' and Connor birthdays, holidays, graduation. He began to smile as he looked back on the memories he had.

Weeks had passed since Connor had spoken to Lena. He had soon forgotten bout Jude as he stayed focused on his scholarship. Connor had routine, every morning he would go for a run along the beach, something he did a lot when he was growing up. His run began just like any other but today was different ,for he ran into Stef who was miles away listening to her music. As she approached she stopped in her tracks "Connor?"

"Hi Stef"

"It's good to see you" Stef said

"It's good to see you to" Connor replied

"Lena said you were back, something about a scholarship"

"Yeah I'm back on a baseball scholarship. It's good to see the old place again brings back a lot of memories"

"Look I'm running late for work, you should come round for dinner sometime"

"Will do". As Stef started to leave Connor turned back to Stef

"Stef" he called " You don't happen to have Jude's number by any chance?"

"Yeah sure". Stef gave Connor Jude's number. He stared at it wanting to call but he wouldn't know what to say.

Connor spent the whole day trying to work up the courage to ring Jude. Word kept entering his mind as to what he would say but he just couldn't think of anything. 'Maybe if I sleep on it' he thought. The next morning Connor woke staring at his laptop, he glanced over at his phone and called the number. His world at that point seemed to slow down. His body become warm and tingly. He heard a groggy voice on the end "Hello". Connor froze "Hello…LOOK DO YO KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!" the voice angrily replied. Connor panicked he quickly cancelled the call and put the phone down. It was the first time he had heard Jude's voice in years and the first time he had heard him in that tone.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Connor paced the living room twiddling the phone in his hand. He wanted to call Jude to hear his voice, for their first conversation to be a less hostile one. 'Maybe if I call him later' he thought. Connor sat staring at photos of him and Jude. That's all he pretty much done for the past three days. _"Hey I'm Connor"_

" _Oh hi I'm Jude"_

" _Your new here right?"_

" _Yeah I just moved into a foster home with my sister._

" _Oh cool…you made any friends?"_

" _No not yet.. I'm…not really great at making new friends"_

" _Look everyone's great at making friends…you just made one without knowing it"_

" _What you mean.. you want to be my friend?"_

" _Yeah_ _you seem interesting… come find me at lunch"_

" _Ok I will" Jude said with a smile on his face_

" _So everyone pick a partner"_

" _Do you have a"_

" _No"_

" _Do you want to be mine"_

" _What about your dad he doesn't want us hanging out"_

" _He doesn't have to know"_

" _Yeah, I don't want to be anybody's secret, tell your dad I said it was nice knowing you"_

" _I just didn't want to hurt your feelings, but it wouldn't matter if I did stand up to my dad it's not like I have a say in anything"_

" _Why are you avoiding me, I'm not mad ok"_

" _I can't be friends with a little bitch who tells his mom everything"_

" _I think that hurt Jude's feeling I wish he'd talk to me again"_

" _Look I want to apologize for not standing up for you with my dad"_

" _It's fine Connor, I know what it's like to have a parent who makes you scared, it's just were friends and I could have done with you standing up for me instead of wanting to make me some secret and that you lied to me when you snuck out"_

" _I know I'm sorry. That's why I wanted to share the tent with you on the trip, to show you that I care that I will always be there for you and that I don't care what my dad says, your my friend and your feelings come first and I hope we can put this all behind us"_

" _Sure"_

" _I can't believe you're going" Jude said holing back his tears_

" _Yeah" Connor started to cry " I'm really going to miss dude"_

" _Hey we'll always stay in touch you're not going to get rid me by moving to another state" Jude chuckled_

" _Yeah I know"_

" _Connor lets go" his dad spoke in a gravelly voice. The two boys hugged gripping each other tightly feeling each other tears run down their face's. Connor walked to his car but before giving one last look to Jude being comforted by his family. Jude caught Connor in the corner of his eye and raised his hand to wave goodbye'.._

Connors phone started to buzz 'shoot' he thought to himself 'I'm gonna be late for practice'.

"Hey Jude" spoke Callie as she called Jude from her vacation with Wyatt.

"Hey sis, how's everything going, you enjoying Miami?"

"Yeah its really hot down here, whats the weather like in London?"

"Um its cold and wet and windy"

"I bet you wish you were here don't you?" she said sarcastically

"Actually I don't mind it, it's nice to have a change in weather for once".

"So what's it like living in a city I bet its different?"

"Yeah much different everything a lot more fast paced down here and busier too everyone's moving so quickly. I tell you when you get on a train it's like be crammed into a tiny box"

"That bad huh" she said laughing

"You know I can hear you laughing right"

"I know, anyway I spoke to Moms they told me Connor was back"

"Can we not talk about that please" he asked

"Why not I thought you would be excited that he moved back, I know you two lost touch but you might see him when you come back for the holidays"

"I just don't want to talk about him ok"

"Why?" Callie enquired

"I JUST DON'T OK!" Jude snapped

"Look if something's wrong tell me"

"NOTHING'S WRONG I JUST DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT CONNOR!"

"Jude"

"Bye Callie I have to go"

Jude sat trying to calm himself down after yelling at his sister. The had always been close she had always looked out for him and his interests at heart. About an hour later Jude texted back Callie 'Sorry'. She responded pretty quick 'That's ok little brother'. Jude got up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen. Just then his phone began to ring.' I don't recognise that number' he thought to himself "Hello" Jude waited for a response but got nothing. As he put the phone down it rang again , same number "Hello" again no answer. Again he put the phone down and like the past two times it rung again. "Look who ever this is it isn't funny"

"Hey Jude" he heard the voice on the other line say with a croak in his throat.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"The Beatles" Jude laughed down the phone

"Huh what do you mean?"

"You mean after all these years you don't remember the first time you came over to mine for that school project and my mum made a Beatles joke"

"And you said it was a band old people listened to, I remember now" Connor said chuckling down the phone

" I can't believe it's been so long" Jude said

"I know right, what happened?"

"Well if I remember correctly you moved away I believe"

"Very funny smarty pants" Connor said sarcastically "I mean how comes we never stayed in touch?"

"I think with the long distance and only messaging each other we never got to hang out"

"I guess your right" Connor said as his body was filled with a mix of emotions, jubilation at hearing the sound of his friends voice after all these year and excitement that they were back in touch but also a little bit nervous, unsure if Jude was the same person who he knew all those years ago. Little did Connor know Jude was feeling the same mix of emotions They were finally speaking after so many years apart. "So how you been?" Connor enquired

"I'm good, I'm studying abroad at the moment"

"Your Mom's mentioned something about that, where are you exactly?"

"I'm in England"

"Really"

"Yeah I know can you believe it I'm on an English scholarship"

"No way I'm on a baseball scholarship, what's it like"

"It's a really great city so much history and culture you should try and visit if you get the chance"

"I'll try my scholarship takes up most of my time"

"We'll I'm heading back to Anchor Beach for the holidays maybe we'll meet up then".

They talked for hours reminiscing about their time growing up together oblivious to the large phone bill that was waiting." Do you remember the time we went fishing and I told you not to stand up in the boat?" Connor asked

"Yeah I remember" Jude replied

"And what did you do?"

"I stood up"

"And"

"I fell in, and as I recall you stood their laughing"

"If it had happened to me you would have done the same"

"True… How is your dad by the way?"

"He's good, why you asking?"

"Just curious, Look it's been really great catching up but I should head off to bed, anyway I'm back for Christmas in about 3 months so well meet up then"

"Ok I'll give you a call later on"

"Con"

"Yeah Jude"

"It was good to talk again to hear your voice"

"Yours to"

Unfortunately Jude never made it back for Christmas that year heavy snow had meant that all flights in and out of London were cancelled. Jude felt gutted not only was this his first Christmas away from home, from his family and in a new country he was looking forward to meeting up with Connor." Look I'm really sorry guys but I can't make it back for Christmas this year all flight out of London have been cancelled".

"No"

"I can't believe it"

"That's too bad Jude" The whole family was gutted Jude ad been away for so long they were looking forward to seeing him again and catching up" Look I'm really gutted to I looking forward to meeting up with Connor, guess that will have to wait".

"Hey bud, the minute you get time off you come back here and see us ok" Lena said over skype with the whole family in the background

"Will do mum, Merry Christmas you guys"

"Merry Christmas Jude" the family yelled over skype. Jude looked at the phone at his phone an noticed he had a text form Connor, 'looking forward to meeting over Xmas'. Jude felt his heart sink 'Sorry not coming back for Christmas, snow to heavy no planes leaving London. Sorry'. Connor was sat at home watching TV when he was suddenly startled by his phone. He saw that Jude had replied to his text. Connor suddenly felt all giddy about seeing his friend again. But all that changed when he saw the text. 'No worries, well meet some other time' he replied, 'Sure, Who you spending Christmas with' Jude replied. 'My folks, there flying out form New York', 'Tell your dad I said hi' Connor gave a light chuckle and replied 'will do'.

However the scholarships proved too much and with the time difference Jude and Connors contact became less and less each day. It was almost one year later when Jude managed to return to Anchor Beach, this time with a boyfriend.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The taxi pulled up at the Fosters residence. He hadn't been back in years. He wondered how everyone would react, lots of hugs and kisses and of course crying. He just stared out the window too frightened to move. "Hey, you ok, you're not scared are you?" Jude turned to see the comforting voice coming from Dalton. Dalton was a boy on Jude's course at university he met the first week there a tall skinny man with curly blonde hair and blue eyes who spoke with element of sophistication about him, he bumped into him in the dorms with all the rushing around, they bonded pretty quickly and while drunk on New Year's eve they revealed their true feelings for each other. No one know Dalton was coming it was surprise for the family. "Look everything will be fine" Dalton reassured him

"Yeah your right" Jude replied as they exited the cab and made their way to the front door. He stood in front of the large brown door and gave three knocks. The door opened and standing in the hallway were Stef and Lena "Oh Jude it's so good to see you again, it's been too long" Lena said as she grabbed Jude

"Welcome home bud" Stef said cradling Jude

"Everyone Jude's here" Lena yelled. Brandon was sitting in the kitchen Callie was in the back yard and Mariana and Jesus were upstairs who in true sibling form came down arguing

"Could you two not argue for one moment" Stef said

"What she started" Jesus protested

"Oh yeah blame me" Mariana said in a demeaning tone

"Hey Judicorn" Mariana said as she held him tightly

"Judicorn?" Dalton queried

"I'll explain later" Jude said turning his gaze back to Dalton

"Jude" Jesus said as he gave a head bob and hand shake

"Hey bro" Brandon said lurking from the kitchen with a sandwich in his hand.

"Hey Jude" Callie said entering from the backyard

"Hey Sis" Jude said as he held her tightly

"Who's this?" Jesus questioned

"Everyone this is Dalton, my boyfriend

"Your what" Everyone said at once. They had known Jude was gay but had no idea he was seeing anyone

"Why didn't you tell us" Lena asked

"I wanted to surprise you"

"Hi everyone" Dalton said standing in the doorway. "Let me Guess Stef, Lena, Jesus, Mariana, Brandon and Callie, did I get that right"

"Yes you did" Jude said smiling at Dalton

"I love that British accent" Stef said coming over all tingly

"I think everyone does sweetie" Lena said holding Stef's hand whilst planting a kiss on the cheek.

"Do you think we could come into the rest of the house or are we having dinner in the hallway?" Jude said jokingly.

"Of course" Stef said " Dinners not for about another half hour.

" So Dalton had did you and my brother meet?" Callie asked

"Funny story I bumped into him on the first day of term he looked lost in the dorms kept crashing into everyone"

"Look its very different out there ok"

"That's right blame us Brits, anyway I helped him find his way and we bonded. Then after one too many drinks on New Year's eve we told each other how we really feel".

"That's so sweet, but New Year's was nearly a year ago why did you wait so long Jude?" Brandon asked

"Well like I said I wanted to surprise you and I didn't want to do it over skype"

Dinner finally came and they all sat around the dining table. They were having a special treat Lena's lasagne and pancakes for deserts in honour of Jude's. Everyone seemed to be having a great time, everyone was liking Dalton and Jude was happy to be back with family.

"So Jude have you spoken to Connor?" Callie said

"Um no" Jude said with a glance away from the table

"Who's Connor?" Dalton asked

"Connor was a mate from when I was growing up. He moved away and we lost contact till about a year ago I was gonna come back and visit him last Christmas but I couldn't. I haven't really spoken to him since then"

"You might run into him whilst we're here"

"I don't think so" Lena said quickly

"Why?" Jude asked

"His scholarship deal fell through so he moved back east" Lena said

"Oh" responded Jude with a look of disappointment on his face.

After dinner had finished Jude and Dalton went for a walk along the beach Connors departure had been on his mind ever since dinner. Jude had always liked the beach as a kid. He walked past his old school and stopped for a moment to think of his first day and that encounter with Connor. _Jude stood outside Anchor Beach school nervous about going in, being the new kid in a new school and not having any friends. Even though his siblings went there he would barely see them. Just then he heard a voice from behind "Hey I'm Connor"_

" _Oh hi I'm Jude"_

" _Your new here right?"_

" _Yeah I just moved into a foster home with my sister._

" _Oh cool…you made any friends?"_

" _No not yet.. I'm…not really great at making new friends"_

" _Look everyone's great at making friends…you just made one without knowing it"_

"W _hat you mean.. you want to be my friend?"_

"Y _eah you seem interesting… come find me at recess"_

" _Ok I will" Jude said with a smile on his face._ "Jude" he heard a voice call

"Yeah"

"Everything ok?" Dalton asked " You seemed pretty down after dinner"

"I'm just thinking"

"About?"

"My first day at school" Jude said as he pointed towards Anchor Beach.

"So this I where you went to school, right on the beach. Very different from my school."

"I was thinking about the moment I met Connor"

"What was it like?"

"It felt like I had found someone I could rely on. I didn't have many friends at my other schools but he was different" Jude said. As they carried on walking holding each other hands looking at each other eyes they stumbled into another couple

" Oh I'm sorry" Jude said as he extended his arm to tap the guys shoulder whilst Dalton checked on the girl.

"That's fine I-" the man stopped dead in his tracks "Jude?"

"Co..Connor?"

"Yh" he replied. They stopped staring at each other before chuckling and hugging each other

"Man it's been so long what are you doing here?, moms said you moved back east apparently your scholarship fell through."

"It did but the college kept me on, what are you doing here"

"I'm back visiting the family"

"UH-UM" Dalton said loudly

"Oh right um Connor this is Dalton my boyfriend"

"Boyfriend?"

"Yeah"

"Um sorry this is Taylor my Girlfriend"

"Hi it's a pleasure to meet you" Dalton said

"You to" said Connor

"and you" Taylor said.

"Look we have to run were meeting my folks" Connor said

"Oh how is your dad by the way?" Jude asked

"He's doing good, how long you in town we should meet up"

"Oh for the month I fly back to London at the start of January"

"We should meet its been what nearly a year since we last spoke?"

"I think it is, anyway don't want to keep you I'll speak to you soon"

"Yeah, nice meeting you Dalton"

"You to"

Connor spent that entire evening focused on Jude whereas Jude spent that entire evening focused on Dalton. Knowing that Connor was back made Jude happy. But with Connor feelings for Jude started to surface and over the next few days became ever so distant from Taylor.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Connor sat on the sofa staring at the wall. The TV was but he wasn't paying much attention. Suddenly Taylor came in from the kitchen " Hey, you watching this or can I change the channel" she said with no response from Connor " Hey you listening?" she said to no avail "CONNOR" She yelled breaking him from his trance.

"Huh" he said looking up at her

"Everything ok, you seem distant?"

"Oh sorry, I'm just thinking"

"About?" she said as she sunk onto the couch laying her body on the seats, resting her head on Connors knees clutching his hand interlocking their fingers.

"Jude, all the time we lost"

"What happened? If you don't mind me asking"

"My dad got involved in our friendship, I never stood up for Jude and that hurt his feelings. Things got worse after our camping trip, I got mad with him and we went weeks without speaking. We made up but things weren't the same. Eventually I moved away and we lost touch. When I moved back I ran into his mum, I got in touch with Jude and we spoke for a few months but then It just stopped. The other day was the first time I'd seen him….and now these feelings have surfaced"

"What do you mean feelings?" Taylor said as she rose from the sofa

" You know feelings" he said nervously

"Well this is unexpected" Taylor said as she paced around the room ruffing her hair. She noticed something above the fire place. It was a photo on she had never seen before. "THESE FEELINGS" she said in a harsh tone " Did you ever have them for me?". Connor just sat staring at his shoes

"Well that says it all" Taylor whispered as she breathed through her nose, biting he bottom lip. She picked up the photo of the fireplace and through it on the ground. Connor looked up anger filled his eyes "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!" he screamed

"Oh I'm sorry" Taylor said sarcastically "Did I hurt your feelings"

"There was no need for that" he snarled breathing through his nose

"Yes there was, finding out that your boyfriend has no feelings for you but rather from some guy he's had no contact with in six years, Guess what he's with someone, if had feelings for you he would have said"

"Get out" he said with a cold stare

"What"

"Leave" Connor said pointing at the door, breathing heavily

"With pleasure, I'll come by for my things" she lashed whilst heading for the door. She slammed the door shut leaving.

Connor was standing in the living room. He moved towards the broken photo on the floor. He slowly bent down to pick up the pieces of broken glass and the frame. He walked towards the sofa and slumped on the sofa. He ran his fingers over the photo and a tear rolled down his cheek. The photo in question was that of Jude's first birthday with the Adam-Foster family. It was him and Connor arms round each other shoulders smiling.

" _Well tomorrow is kinda my birthday"_

" _wait- how does the cupcake delivery girl now before me"_

" _Hey bud happy birthday"_

" _Cheers Connor, glad you can make it"_

" _Jude, Connor let me take a photo of the two of you" Lena said_

Connor sat smiling and laughing at the memory. He placed the photo on the coffee table staring at it. He reached for the remote for his CD player. He wasn't sure what CD was in the slot but just wanted to listen. He hit play and the instant he heard the beginning of the song he began to smile and laugh for the song that was playing was 'Hey Jude'. Hey laid on the sofa and reached for the photo .He clenched it tightly against his chest and began to drift off to sleep with his mind drifting back to that night of spin the bottle and just maybe if Callie hadn't walked in things would have been different

" _We shouldn't, this is stupid"_

" _No its fine"_

At the Fosters residence Jude sat on the sofa with Dalton listening to music. The house was all but empty. The family had gone out to dinner except for Jude who wasn't feeling well and Marianna who was going to get an early night as she had to be up early in the morning to catch a flight San Francisco for a business meeting.

"You Know Judicorn" Dalton said running his hand through Jude's hair

"Hey as much as I like that name and you, only Marianna calls me that" he said with a coy smile.

"Ok…Jude" Dalton said smiling "I was nervous about meeting your family but I have to admit they are a great bunch of people"

"Ahh thank you" Jude said as he leaned into towards Dalton locking lips.

"AWW this is so cute I have to get a picture" Mariana squealed reaching for her phone.

"Marianna could you give us 5 minutes alone" Jude demanded

"Ok Judicorn, I'll leave you two be, just letting you know I'm going to bed, need to be up early for tomorrow. Anyway night"

"Night" Dalton said

"Night Marianna"

"Well I think I'm going to get a drink, you want anything" Dalton said

"No I'm good" Jude replied. As Dalton headed for the kitchen Jude noticed Daltons phone vibrating on the coffee table. He reached for the phone curious to see who the text was from. His eyes opened wide. Jude sat motionless as he read the text his heart began to sink 'Can't wait for you to get back really missing you. Max XX'. Dalton entered the leaving room to see Jude holding his phone. "What are you do doing" Dalton questioned

"Who's Max?" Jude asked trying to hold back his tears

"WHY ARE YOU GOING DOING MY PHONE?" Dalton yelled

"He texted you ok, I didn't go down your phone. WHY ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME!?" Exclaimed Jude

"Look ok eventually you're going to go back to living in the States and I'm going back to London, there's no way we can handle a long distance relationship, I'm going to need someone back home"

"SO WHY NOT JUST BREAK UP WITH ME!?" Jude screamed

"Because I loved you too much to do it"

"Well it doesn't show". Marianna sat at the top of the stairs overhearing the whole argument

"I want you out" Jude said breathing heavily through his nose

"Fine" Dalton said staring at the floor "I'll come by for my stuff tomorrow"

"It'll be waiting for you by the trash" Jude said in a snarky manner.

As Dalton left Jude stood in the living room and began to cry. Jude headed quickly up the stairs to his old room darting straight past Marianna "Jude I overheard". He slammed the door behind him. He bounced on the bed and buried his head in the pillow. He began to cry even more. Marianna stood outside trying to comfort him "Jude are you okay, Look I overheard what went on downstairs and I'm so sorry that happened. I can't imagine what you're going through but he never should have treated you like that. Open the door please Jude, let me in". Jude began to lift his head off the pillow. He noticed something in the corner of his eye. He pulled himself off the bed and began to walk towards his old bookcase wiping the tears from his eyes. It was Connors old PSP that he gave him during their first science project. Jude began to smile as he thought back to that day.

" _Hey do you wanna play ridge racer"_

" _This is so cool"_

" _Wait, Here keep it"_

'You never gave me a charger' Jude thought to himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

There was a knock on the door downstairs. Marianna raced downstairs and opened it "Hey thanks for coming over"

"No problem" Said Connor "How is he?" Connor enquired

"He hasn't come out of his room, he's been in there two hours"

"It ok if I head up"

"Sure". Connor head upstairs and stood in front of Jude's door still decorated with items that littered the door many years ago. He knocked twice. "Go away" Jude said

"Hey Jude" Connor spoke pressed up against the bedroom door. Jude face the door

"Co…Connor" he muttered as he walked towards the door unlocking it. "What are you doing here" He asked

"Marianna messaged me that you were upset, something about a breakup"

"Yeah Dalton had been cheating on me with some guy back in England"

"Looks like it's a bad day for us and relationships" Connor joked

"What do you mean?" Jude enquired

"I broke up with Taylor"

"Why?"

"After I saw you the other day I couldn't stop thinking about you, these feelings came over me. Taylor asked if I had the same feelings for her and when I didn't answer we got into an argument, right before she smashed this picture". Connor reached into his jacket an pulled out the photo of him and Jude and Jude's birthday

"I remember this photo" Jude smiled "What was it you got me, oh that right nail polish"

"I felt so embarrassed buying that… Hey my old PSP, I can't believe you still have it"

"I was just thinking that you never gave the charger to that for at least another month"

"Yeah sorry, Hey what's this song?"

"Um it's from Dalton CD's I put music on to calm myself. I picked up a love for British Rock whilst over there, its Queen A crazy little thing called love"

"I like this song" Connor pointed out

"Me too" Jude replied

Jude and Connor sat there on the bed there body's both tingling.

"Hi were home" Stef said as the family entered the home. Marianna came rushing down the stairs tell everyone to ssh " Connors upstairs with Jude"

"Why what's going on. I thought Connor moved back east?" Stef queried

"I saw a look on Jude's face when he came back from his walk after dinner. I knew that only one person could make him smile like that so I took a gamble". Marianna replied

"Hey where's Dalton?" Lena asked

"He and Jude broke up"

"What why?" Callie asked

"He was seeing someone else"

"What no way" Brandon said

"So why is Connor over here?" Jesus questioned

"Jude went up to his room and wouldn't come out so I knew he would only talk to one person and whilst I'm here talking to you I'm missing what their saying"

"I think we should let them be" Lena said. Jude and Connor sat on his bed anxiously waiting for someone to say something after a period of awkward silence. Connor finally found the courage to speak "I was thinking earlier today about all the time we lost and I don't want that anymore".

"What are you saying" Jude asked with a confused look on his face

"Do you have a"

"No" Jude replied quickly catching on to what Connor was asking

"Do you want to be mine" Connor asked. Jude nodded. As Jude went to lean in for a kiss Connor stopped him. "What is it?" Jude asked. Just then Connor pulled out his phone " I want our first proper kiss to pick up from where we were interrupted all those years ago" Just then Jude looked at Connors phone and noticed he had a spin the bottle app opened. He began to laugh. Connor placed the phone on the bed and tapped the screen. The bottle spun and pointed at Jude. They smiled as they leaned in for a kiss. Their lips locking, their hands running through each other's hair and in that moment all the issues they had faced, all the problems, fights they had had and years missed were forgotten about, as both were in a state of pure ecstasy.

The family waited downstairs curious to know what was going on. Suddenly they heard footsteps on the stairs and approach the kitchen where the family was seated around the table. "So" Marianna asked with pure joy waiting to explode her smile reaching from ear to ear.

"What?" Jude said with a coy smile as he reached for Connors hand

"I KNEW IT!" Screamed Marianna as she leapt off her chair to hug the two of them.

"Calm down Marianna, let them breathe" Stef said

"We heard about Dalton" Callie said "But I can see your over it"

"Yeah" Jude said smiling at the family

"So what are you going to do about London" Brandon said

"Yeah wont it be weird going back and running into Dalton"

"I was thinking about staying here" Jude said

"What why?" Connor said

"Something Dalton said about long distance relationships not working out. We tried to something like that once before and look what happened".

"Well I was thinking about moving to London with you" Connor said looking at Jude

"What about your scholarship" Jude enquired

"Truth is I only took the scholarship because my dad insisted. My Cousin runs a sports magazine over there I'll see if he can hook me up with a job that way you get to carry on your education. Listen I spent 7 years apart from you and I'm not going to spend another second apart. I would sacrifice everything in my life to make you happy. Connor joked. Tears filled Jude's eyes.

"Somewhere deep down I knew I was gonna end up with you" he mumbled through his tears. The two embraced in a passionate kiss while the Adams- Foster family smiled for Jude's happiness

"But wait" Jude said "What about your dad"

"What is it with you and my Dad, are you having something with him I should know about because you talk about him a lot" Connor joked

"I want to know what he'll think off this"

"Jude I don't care and neither should you" Connor muttered as he smiled as he leaned in for another kiss, Connor feeling happy with his best friend and Jude feeling safe and complete.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

It had been six months since Connor and Jude had moved to London. Jude was settling back into his studies with the hustle and bustle of university life almost second nature to him now. Connor was having no problem settling in with his new job as a sports writer for his cousins magazine. Together their lives were free of pain and suffering. No one ridiculing them or mocking them, degrading them, together they couldn't have been more happier. For Connor however there was one thing that ate at him on a daily basis, his father. Their relationship hadn't been a smooth one. When Connors mother moved away Adam was forced to bring up Connor on his own an alpha male if you will who believed his son should be the best at sports and should stick to a somewhat strict upbringing with schoolwork and chores. When Adam moved Connor to New York that's when the relationship became more sour. The pressure that Adam put on Connor was unbearable so when the scholarship came up and a chance to move bac to San Diego Connor took the chance. He never spoke to his father much after moving back to California but felt the need to tell him he was taking a job in London. Not to escape him but more a fresh start.

"So you haven't tod your dad about us then?" Jude questioned whist sitting with Connor curled up on the sofa.

"No I haven't" Connor reluctantly replied

"Why?"

"It's just that… that"

"What?.. you can say it"

"I haven't really spoken to him for a while and I don't want to spring it on him and completely push him away. I want a relationship with my dad, I also want one with you.. I don't feel like I need to choose or should have to."

"Connor" Jude said staring at his boyfriends eyes "I understand.. I know how important family can be and no relationship should come between that. But I think he has a right to know."

"Yeah.. I'll tell him tomorrow."

"You nervous?" Jude asked

"Wouldn't you be"

"Hey…. I'm there for you ok" Jude whispered as Connor leaned down a kissed his forehead.

"I know…I know"

Adam Stevens hadn't changed much over the years, still a dishevelled man. Her sat down on the chair outside the cafe waiting for Connor to show. Adam knew it would be a tense reunion. They hadn't ended things ion good terms and had barely spoken in 6 years. Her sat for about 10 minutes before He heard Connor calling. He picked himself from his chair and greeted his son.

"Hey dad"

"Hey son" Adam replied as he hugged Connor before gesturing him to take a seat. "So where do we start?...How you been?"

"I've been good, I'm liking it out here. Much different from California. The jobs not to bad either."

"Sports writer huh, guess me drilling sports in to you finally paid off" Adam spoke with a little chuckle at the end  
"Yeah" Connor replied. "The scholarship helped me out as well. So thanks I guess"

"That's Fine". A brief moment of silence crowded over them. Both staring at each other not knowing what to say or who should speak.

"This is silly" Connor said " Every father and son fight why does this feel so awkward?"

"I don't know son…anyway why did you bring me out here to such a could city?"

"I like the weather actually….anyway I brought you out here to make amends. I know I wasn't the best son and you weren't exactly the best father but I thing its time that this was all put behind and we start afresh. I mean since mum dies two years ago it's just us now"

"Yeah your right"

" There is one reason why I moved out here and brought you here. I met someone, you already know them" Connor said  
"Really?". Connor waved to inside the shop signalling Jude. As he approached the door Adam's face suddenly changed to a face Jude had seen all those years ago, one of stern and brute force.

"Jude?" Adam spoke

"Hi Mr Stevens" Jude muttered as he took a seat next to Connor. Connor noticed a sudden change in his father's face. His nose started to flare and his throat began to twitch.  
"You brought me over here to tell me your gay?" Adam mumbled. Connor looked over at Jude for support. Jude had come out to his accepting family years ago but Connor knew his dad want going to be so accepting.

"Yeah I did… and he's my boyfriend". Adams hand hit the table like a crash of thunder phasing Jude but not Connor who was used to his father's outbursts.

"I always knew something…ever since those batting cages…. I tried so hard stop this keeping you to apart moving you away"

"I knew we shouldn't have down this Jude"

"No" Adam spoke "You should have"

"huh" Jude muttered

"The truth is I always knew something like this would happen. I saw the friendship you two had and I always knew. Truth is I was scared I didn't mind if Jude was gay he came from a family who accepted him, understood him. I couldn't do that. I was scared… what my mates would do if they found out how I would be treated. I never thought of you Connor just myself".

"Why are you saying this now?" Connor asked

"I finished late once from work and was driving home when I looked over at an argument in the street between a father who was kicking his son out for being gay, all I could think off was you and I, how I pushed you away and treated you in think the lack of talk we had conversations we had since you moved away made me feel for the kid who had no support from his father. I wanted to call you so many times, I just couldn't find the courage" Adam said as he slowly started to show a rare emotion for him, sadness. Connor reached out across the table and took his Adams hand  
"Dad it's ok you don't have apologise"

"Yeah I do…Jude I want to say sorry for how I treated you. The way I acted around you"

"Its fine Mr Stevens"

"Call me Adam"

"Ok…Adam" Jude spoke whilst nodding his head  
"Seeing how happy you two are….I understand. If you two are free how about I take you two to lunch"

"Sure dad"

"Sure Mr Stev…Adam". With that Connor took Jude's hand as the picked themselves off of the table with Adam seeing how happy those two finally were.


	9. Chapter 9

It had been four years since Jude and Connor had moved to London. They found the experience life changing what with being able to be with each other in a city very different from San Diego, meeting new people and learning to adapt to a different culture. They couldn't and have never been more happier. They felt the change was good from them both. They had always been around the family and so this was a chance for them to spread their wings, do something with their lives.

One evening Jude sat alone on the sofa, the telly ( TV for you yanks) playing in the background, the only object illuminating the room. He had drifted off waiting for Connor to come home from a night out drinking with some colleagues. Connor did this regularly so Jude was used to falling asleep waiting for him. He woke about 2 hours later and, his eyes not quite open he struggled to make out the time on the clock. '4' he thought to himself 'Connor's never in this late'. He knew he wasn't home as the TV was still on. He checked his phone to see if Connor had called. Suddenly his phone vibrated "Connor?" Jude asked.

"Mr Adams Foster" A women's voice spoke on the other end

"Yes"

"This is nurse Fall of the Queen Mary Hospital"

"What's happened?" Jude spoke with a feeling of panic in his face and a fear of dread covering his face

"Mr Stevens has been involved in accident"

"How …How is he?"

"Its best you speak to his doctor…it's not good"

"How …how did you know to call?"

"When he was admitted he kept repeating the name 'Jude'" The nurse responded

"I'll be there as soon as, thank you". Jude raced around the flat looking for his shoes putting them on in a hurry. He searched frantically for his keys, all the while his mind on Connors safety, tears streaming down his face, thinking the worst. He left his flat and head towards the street not stopping to grab a coat as the British weather had decided to pour it down, the rain bouncing off the street, Jude splashing the puddles, his clothes becoming wetter with every step.

Jude reached the entrance to the Queen Mary Hospital, his clothes dripping wet as he stumbled towards the reception desk. "I got a call my partner had been brought in a..a..a..a….Connor Stevens, a Nurse Fall called me."

"Yes he was admitted here, I'll page the doctor"

"Thank" Jude replied as he paced around the waiting room, filled with the usual Friday night regulars, party revellers who drank too much, people who henpecked a fight with a lamppost.

"We'll this is a surprise" A burly figure spoke "Never thought I'd see you here…Judicorn"

Jude froze. He recognised the nickname and only three people had used that name, Mariana, Connor and Dalton. He slowly turned to see a figure he once knew. His thoughts were right.

"What are you doing here?" He asked

"I work here.. registrar… I recognised Connor when he came in, when he started muttering your name…"

"I want to see him"

"Sure… this way". Jude followed Dalton down the corridor, each passing step closer to Connor. They stopped outside the ICU. Jude could see Connor lying there hooked up to machines. "How is he?"

"It's not good I'm afraid. He was admitted with a concussion after being knocked out. He was stable but a CT scan revealed a cerebral haemorrhage from the fall, we rushed him to surgery to relieve the pressure but a backlog of theatre slots and with it being a Friday night his brain was starved of oxygen. He's now in a medically induced coma". Jude stood there motionless his wet clothes dripping forming a puddle outside the room. Tears streamed down is face.

"Will…Will he wake?" Jude stammered

"It's unlikely" Dalton replied reaching for Jude's shoulder of which to place his hand.

Jude moved to a row of seats opposite the room, slumping down, thinking back to the last time he and Connor when in the hospital after the shooting, feeling so helpless and alone. Dalton sat next to Jude. "I know this is tough.. seeing your friend this way..."

"Partner" Jude corrected

"Partner … can be tough"  
"It's just after all these years of hurt and pain and friendship we were finally together and now this…I..I don't know what I'll do". Dalton placed his hand on Jude's shoulder. Jude's gaze diverted to Dalton. The both started at each other. The memories of their past relationship came flooding back. Dalton leaned closer to Jude their lips locking. In that split second Jude didn't feel alone. His thoughts no longer on Connor. He pulled away, shocked at what had happened. He rose from the bench and head towards Connor. Dalton sat their smiling. Jude edged close to Connor. The sight of Connor hooked to those machines scared him. He sat beside Connor, looked at him and held his hand. "Don't die Connor…don't" he whispered as all the surrounding sounds faded out except for that of Connors life support.

7 months had passed since Connors medically induced coma. Jude had sat by his side every day, informed the family of every slight sign of improvement. Every day hoping he would wake.

Today was to be that day. Jude had stepped out for a coffee and some fresh air. He hadn't slept properly in that time so survived solely on coffee. As he stood outside Connor began to wake. Dalton wondered passed.

"Mr Stevens can you hear me?"

"Where…where am I?"

"Queen Mary Hospital, you've been with us for the past 7 months in a coma."

"Ju..Jude… Where's Jude?" Connor enquired

"He's here.. he's been here every day" Dalton looked down at his file writing away " You don't remember me do you?"

"No"

"I was Jude's boyfriend, we met over that Christmas period about 5 years ago"  
"I remember… You work here?"  
"Yes… You know Jude was weak while you were here, every day the emotional strain eating at him, the hurt and pain you caused"

"I didn't cause him pain I..I…I"

"You were laid up in here because you got into a fight, not caring how that would affect Jude. You don't care for him"  
"NO! That's not true" Connor yelled

"Its fine… He doesn't care for you either" Dalton said with a coy smile"

"What do you mean"

"Well if he loved you…then this wouldn't have happened. Dalton reached for his pocket and pulled out a photo. He showed it Connor. It was as till from the CCTV camera of Jude and Daltons kiss.

"NO…This isn't real"

"It is and he loved every minute of it". With that Jude walked back in to the room. He saw Connor was awake. Yelling his name from across the room he darted towards Connors bed. He flung himself over Connor who abruptly pushed him away.

"What…Connor what was that for?"

"You don't care about me…Look". He showed Jude the photo

"Con…Con IT WAS NOTHING!" Jude screamed as he began to cry

" YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME!..I'm lying here brain dead and your off snogging an ex"  
"It was a onetime thing, I was scared, I thought I was going to lose you"

"Well you don't have to think about losing me cause you already have…. I don't want to see you again"

"Con…you don't mean that"  
"Just go Jude…GO!". Jude stood their crying. His whole world crumbling around him. He moved slowly towards the door, glancing back at Connor who had shuffled over the bed onto his side avoiding Jude. He looked at Dalton who had overheard the whole argument. He stood their smiling, feeling praise at wrecking the relationship. Connor clutched the photo crying. The tears rolling down his cheek. His whole world ruined, because of one scorned lover.


	10. Chapter 10

Jude laid on the sofa clutching a photo of him and Connor. He'd been there for days.

Unable to find the strength to move. He didn't mean to hurt Connor, it was just a quick moment of weakness. He loved Connor and he knew Connor felt the same, or did he. Jude heard the keys rattle in the lock. He moved from the sofa placing the phot on the counter and dried his eyes. The door opened and Connor stood on the other side. He entered the flat averting his gaze from Jude. "Speak to me Connor, please" Jude pleaded

" I have nothing to say to you"

"Please I want to apologize"

"There's no need, I don't want to hear it" Connor replied

"Look I'm sorry ok, in didn't mean for it to happen"

"But it did, you kissed someone else, you have no idea how much I hurt"

"I hurt too you know, seeing you lying in that bed I thought I was going to lose you" Jude spoke as Connor noticed the sadness on his face.

"Regardless, you kissed someone else, I would never do that to you, now I came here to get my things"

"Where are you going to go?"

"I'm going to stay with my cousin and then go home"

"Why?"  
"There nothing for me here"

"But I'm here"

"Exactly, we spent years apart and when we got together I thought that would be it, but if I see you again it will be to soon"

"Don't say that Connor". Connor made his way for the bedroom. Jude attempted to cut him off reaching for his arm. Connor pushed Jude away who ended up stumbling into the back of the sofa.

Connor looked at Jude as he recovered. His face blank, he said nothing and made his way to the bedroom and packed up the things he needed. He left the room and say Jude seated on the floor. Knees up against his face, hand interlocked around his knee caps. He scanned over Jude. He opened his mouth but closed it immediately after. He couldn't find the words to say goodbye, only a tiny bit of breath escaped. He made his way to the door left his keys on the table and closed the door behind him. Jude heard the door closed. He slumped to the floor pulled out his phone and made a call. "Mama" he spoke " He left me"

Connor sat on his cousins sofa staring at the TV his mind not entirely focused. "Hey everything alright?" his cousin spoke

"Yeah I'm good"

"Thinking about Jude aren't you?"  
"No"

"Yes you are, what happened" Connor took a deep breath  
"When I was in hospital Jude kissed someone else, my Doctor who happened to be his ex."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah"

"Wow, I mean it's not my place but don't you think your being harsh?"

"How am I being harsh?, he kissed another man"

"Yh, his ex, who comforted him while he was at his worst, you telling me you wouldn't have done the same?"

"No, after everything we went through as kids I thought he was loyal, that we were going to be together forever"

"Maybe you should just take some time apart rather than breaking up with him"

"No. I can't forgive him".

"Well it's your choice. I can't stop you"

"I'm gonna head back to states in the next few weeks I've got no reason to stay. I moved out here to be to him, I'll move in with my dad till I find my own place."

"Whatever you decide man"

4 months later

It was Christmas In New York the entire city a blanket of white. Rockefeller was light up like a Christmas tree and everyone was in the holiday spirits. Connor was doing some last minute shopping for his family and friends, specifically finding something for this new boyfriend Mark. They had been dating for a little under a month now and he wanted to get his boyfriend something special for Christmas. As he wandered Ralph Lauren he heard his name being screamed from across the floor.

"CONNOR STEVENS!" He turned and noticed this women charging towards him. As she approached he recognised the stern women

"Callie" he muttered

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO JUDE!" she demanded to know "HE HASN'T SPOKEN IN 4 MONTHS"

"Maybe you should ask what he did to me" He replied

"We know what he did, he made a mistake, any of us including you would have done the same"

"No I respect people, especially my partner"

"Why do you think your better than everyone else?"  
"I don't, but Jude betrayed me and I can't be with him"

"Do you know how much he hurt after you left all those years ago?, I was there to pick up the pieces. He hadn't been happy in years not until you came back."

"I'm sorry ok, but I was at deaths door and he found solace with someone else"

"And he's sorry, but when you got back together you told him how you didn't want to be apart, after all you went through growing up he was always there and this is how you repay him. Just think how your life would be without Jude if you had never met him. Maybe he is better without you."  
With that Callie left Connor who stood there for a brief moment before carrying on with the shopping.

Connor laid in bed wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. His mind focused on what Callie had said earlier about his life without Jude. As he drifted off he soon found himself in an out of body experience. He was standing looking over a younger version of himself, laughing and talking with some girls. He saw the happiness on his younger self's face but he knew it was only a mask as something was being repressed. It soon moved to his home with his dad who was attempting to catch Connor to give him a spanking for stepping out of line. He knew that in reality Jude was there for him in this scenario, however he was nowhere to be found. The dream then moved along a few years to an elder Connor who was married with a wife and two kids, but again he knew the happiness was just a mask as Jude had helped him to discover himself all those years ago. Connor began to toss and turn repeating Jude's name over and over. Then a scenario played out close to Connors heart, what if Jude was hurt and he was in Jude's place. Turns out he would have done exactly what Jude did and found solace and comfort in a weakened state. Callie's words began to play on him his life was different without Jude but not the life he wanted. He awoke suddenly in a heated sweat. He knew that he had to apologize to Jude. He quickly leapt form the bed and began to get dressed. He ran to his door, hailed a cab and headed straight to the airport. He boarded a flight bound for London to seek out his Jude.

Jude sat on a frozen metal bench in Leicester Square. The white snow nestled upon his body. It was a rare occurrence snow in London over Christmas. He sat there thinking, how it was his first Christmas without Connor as his boyfriend, his first Christmas alone. Heavy panting approached the gate, the rustling sound of the crisp snow being disturbed, the cold air coming from Connors breath. He stopped at the gates, glancing at Jude on the bench. His mind thought back to their first Christmas in London. _"So our first Christmas as boyfriends, excited?" Asked Connor_

" _A little" responded Jude nodding his head._

" _I got you something special" Connor said reaching for his pocket_

" _What is it?" Jude questioned_

" _Open it" Connor instructed. Jude opened the small box. Inside the small box was a silver frame with flecks of blue paint scattered around the case. It was a photograph of Jude and Connor. Their first photo taken as boyfriends. A tear rolled down Jude's cheek._

" _You like it I guess" Connor joked_

"' _It's beautiful, just like this park"_

" _Well then how about every year we come back here, to this exact spot and sit and look at the scenery. It will be our tradition._

" _Ok" Jude replied_

Connor approached Jude who turned round suddenly. "Connor… what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry"

"You're sorry?" Jude responded sharply "After you just left me here"

"I don't know…. I wasn't thinking"

"You have no idea how much I hurt" Jude said " I spent every day thinking of what I did, how much I regret it…I thought you would understand"

"I do…I do, I always said that I would never do that… I was wrong. Callie confronted me in New York, she said you hadn't spoken in 4 months, is that true?" Jude nodded his head "She told me to think how my life would have been different without you. That night I did, how I wouldn't have been happy, that I was wearing a mask to hide my feelings, you weren't there to help me with my dad and that if you had been in the hospital I would have found solace and comfort in someone else, I...I..I'Uh...I'm Sor-" Connor couldn't finish he began to cry. Jude looked at him. He thought of how Connor had hurt him, how he left him, but none of that mattered all he saw in front of him was his friend, his only friend. Jude extended his arm around Connors shoulder and pulled him towards him. Connor rested his head against Jude's chest. He felt his friend' tears. Jude took a deep breath "How did you know where to find me?". Connor raised his head from Jude's chest

"It's Christmas" He said as he smiled. Jude smiled back and pressed on Connors shoulder. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the photo Connor gave him on their first Christmas in London. Connor resumed his recent position and the two looked out at the scenery carrying on their Christmas tradition.


	11. Chapter 11

The curtain blew in the wind. It was hot for February so Jude had opened a window before him and Connor went to be, to cool themselves in the night. Jude laid faced down, his right arm and leg hanging out of the bed. Connor laid faced up upon the covers his left arm stretched across Jude's back. Jude preferred to sleep in pyjamas whilst Connor preferred, the fewer the cloths the better and slept in a pair of plaid boxers. Jude mumbled in his sleep, which usually Connor slept through, but tonight it kept him awake. The heat didn't help either with Connor effectively lying in puddle of his own sweat. He glanced at Jude, watching his lips chatter away, having a conversation with himself "Not now maybe later…No get the other one… In love you to Connor". Connor chuckled and reached to his bedside unit reaching for his IPOD. 'Maybe some music' he thought. He placed the buds in his ears and scrolled through his playlist finding a perfect song to send him to sleep. "Rock, Blue or Jazz… Jazz I think" Connor shut his eyes a drifted off to the sound of scat and trumpets in his eyes completely drowning out Jude's mumbling.

Connor woke feeling strange. He turned to face Jude and noticed the bed was empty. He rubbed his eyes and looked around. "The bedroom s different" he thought to himself. He pulled the covers off and sat on the edge of his bed. His naked feet creaked the hardwood floor a tiny glare of sunlight shown through the curtains. He left the bedroom and made his way to the kitchen in search for Jude. As he stumbled down the corridor he paced a photo hanging on the wall. He stopped taking a double take. The photo was of Jude and Connor but with an addition of two kids. He reached for the photo with his left hand not noticing the photo before and happened to glance ring on his finger. This whole encounter seemed weird for Connor who continued into the kitchen. He entered the kitchen and noticed a note on the counter , he picked it up and began to skim… left early…be home early….kids at school…..breakfast in oven….love you. He propped the note back on the counter and looked in the oven. Inside was a small plate with two pieces of burnt toast. He wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. He noticed his reflection in the living room mirror. His appearance was much different then he remembered. A rounder, aged figure stared back at him. He noticed a newspaper on the sofa and slumped on the couch, he coughed and stroked his stubble. He noticed the job section was opened with a tonne of marked job applications, all in the same area of journalism. He sat and glanced at a series of awards in Jude's name littering the living room. The awards were all for his service to the foster care system. The phone rang and Connor struggled to pull himself from the sofa. "Hello" Connor spoke.

"Hey Con it's your cousin"

"Hey how are you doing?"

"I'm good, just sitting here looking for jobs" He replied rubbing his stomach

"Yeah I heard about that…I'm sorry that you lost your job, from what I heard your meltdown on TV was one of the most choking things ever"

"Things happen" he replied staring at Jude's awards.

"Look if I had something I…"

"It's ok I'll find something, well best get going I'll see you soon". Connor threw the phone on the sofa and looked back at the paper.

It was about 11:22 when Jude came home. Connor only knew this because he had stared at the clock for the past 4 hours. He stood in the doorway when he heard the keys in the door. "Hey what are you doing up I figured you would be in bed" Jude spoke whilst placing his briefcase down and hanging his coat up on the hook.

"You said you would be in early" Connor replied with a stern voice

"I got held up at the office…what's wrong?"

"That's all you seem to do, is be at the ' _office'_ , when I wake up your at the office, when I go to bed your still at the office, I never get to see you anymore, and the kids never see you either".

"Look I'm sorry if I'm out working unlike some people" Jude responded loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt top button

"That's LOW! Jude… I'm looking for work but we can't all be Mr big shot social worker like YOU! Connor yelled whilst picking Jude's awards off the wall.

"Look I'm good at what I do ok, it's not my fault I had breakdown on live TV and EMBARESSED! Myself in front of millions of people, do you have any idea what it did to me?"

"Of course, because it's all about _you_ isn't it. Do you know we haven't done anything as a family in over five years ever since you started your job?"

"I'm _sorry_ for providing for this fam…"

"Were not a FAMILY!" Connor snapped "We don't do anything together, were drifting apart"

"I'm sorry if you feel that way" Jude spoke noticing the distress on Connors face "I think we should have some space and come back to this when you're more rational"

"Don't spin this on ME!" Connor snapped "Look at what I used to be" he said reaching for a photo of a younger skinner Connor. "The minute you started getting involved more and more in your cases is when we drifted, that's what caused my breakdown, YOU!, your job… now look at me". Jude looked up and down Connor, and headed towards the door. "Jude" Connor called, but it was to no avail and he slammed the door shut behind him.

The door shut and suddenly Connor felt water crashing on his body. He looked around confused too where he was. He found himself standing in a cemetery, the weather dark and dismal. He noticed figures in the background, barley making them out. He made his way over towards them, the rain hitting his body, his clothes becoming wetter with every step. He approached the headstone the figures had gathered around. He began to recognise the figures Stef, Lena, Callie, Marianna, Brandon and Jesus. He ran towards the headstone panting heavier and heavier. He stumbled on the wet muddy grass and dropped to his knees in front of the headstone. He looked at the name 'Jude Adams-Foster Stevens' "NO!" Connor cried "What…What happened?" he said gazing at the family.

"You" Callie said "You did this"

"What? No. How?" He cried glancing back at the stone, running his hand over the engraved name.

"That night you argued, he went for a walk, he crossed the street, distraught in your argument he never heard the car approaching" Lena said as they circled Connor all pointing at him.

"No…I…I…I"

"You killed him Connor, you're the reason were here" Stef spoke. Connor placed his head upon the stone staring at the floor. Suddenly he heard Jude's voice calling he turned and was back in his bedroom with Jude sleeping by his side. "Hey are you ok?" Jude asked "You started screaming and tossing"

"I heard a really bad dream" Connor replied staring at the ceiling.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jude spoke taking hold of Connors hands

"Promise me we won't ever drift apart"

"What? Jude asked being confused

"Promise me…. It's just in the dream you were this career driving person and I was a slob, you spent all day working and we never saw each other... we had a fight and then I"

"What?" Jude enquired positioning his body closer to Connor, placing his hand upon Connors jaw and turning his head so he was facing him staring in to his brown eyes.

"I was at your grave, your family were there and I was to blame for your death" Jude noticed the tears stroll down Connors cheek. Jude wiped the tears from Connor eyes, caressed his face and moved his lips towards Connors interlocking them reassuring him he had nothing to worry about and healing his broken friend spirit "You could be the ugliest laziest person I know and I would still love you" Jude spoke

"Thanks" Connor replied smiling at his boyfriend. The pair left the bed and got dressed. The made their way to the kitchen. "So in this dream, where we anything?" Jude asked

"Well we did have two kids, you worked in the Foster care system and had all these awards and we were married" Connor said with a coy smile

"That's some dream." Jude uttered "Hopefully it will be true someday"

"Nah I don't think so"

"Why not?" Jude asked

"You don't win anything" Connor chuckled. Jude threw the paper at Connor who luckily moved out the way. Jude made his way to Connor and placed his arms around his waist planting a kiss upon his cheek.

"I love you" Jude whispered in Connors ear

"I know…you want some breakfast?" Connor asked prying Jude's hands away

"No I'm going to get something on the way" Jude responded heading for the door

"I'll see you tonight yeah…nice and early"? Connor asked

"I work in the mail room…I'll be home before you" Jude laughed heading towards the door. Connor headed towards the window and opened it feeling the heat upon his face. He looked down and called out to Jude who looked back up and waved before his headphones in. Connor heard the sound of a car approaching faster and faster and looked down the street. He saw the car barrelling towards Jude. He yelled "JUDE!" but it was too late the car struck Jude sending him hurtling down the road. Connor rushed down the stairs in his bare feet, pushing past the people surrounding Jude. He dropped to his knees picking up Jude's head in one arm whilst clutching his chest with the other. Tears streamed down his face, he tried to wipe the blood from Jude's mouth but couldn't. He cradled his boyfriend in is arms tightening his grip around Jude's body and pulling him close to his.

"SOMEONE CALL FOR HELP NOW!" Connor screamed "Don't die Jude, please don't die" The tears dropping onto Jude's clothes "Please don't die" his bottom lip quivering as he knew the worst.


	12. Chapter 12

Jude laid in the hospital bed. Wires and tubes running from his body like a robot under construction. His face was bruised from the crash, draped down the left side of his face. A scar positioned from his swollen top lip to his nose, a few teeth missing, broken left leg. Connor sat, slouched in the chair by Jude's bed. His hand tightly griped around his boyfriend's left hand, caressing his broken fingers. Connor hadn't moved in weeks, the signs were starting to show, the bags under his eyes, the scruffy beard, the messy hair. He spent the long weeks talking to Jude, hoping his boyfriend would hear him whilst in his coma. He had pondered at what his life would be like without him, how he would cope, if he would be able to move on and move past the events. Not only would he lose his boyfriend but also his best friend. He stayed by Jude's side even when Stef and Lena had tried to send him home to sleep, but he didn't want to, on the off chance that had he left Jude and he did die, he wouldn't be able to deal with the fact that he wasn't there when he passed.

The sound of the machines is all that Connor could focus on, he never heard the nurse come in to check Jude's vitals, "Mr Stevens?, Mr Stevens?"

"Huh, oh sorry I didn't hear you come in"

"I'm just here to check on his vitals"

"Oh ok"

"It's nice you know that"

"What is?" Connor asked glancing up from Jude

"That you've stuck by his side. You've been here every day, I don't think I've ever seen anyone do that before"

"Well…We've been through a lot over the years, too much time apart, don't want to lose anymore" Connor replied with a single tear strolling down his cheek. His gaze returned to Jude, watching his boyfriend lay in that weak state.  
"When I was in a coma last year…he did the same" he said biting his lip

"It's nice to have someone that cares"

"Yh" he nodded

"Before I forget there a gentleman outside looking for you, Adam Stevens?"

"That's my dad, send him in". The nurse nodded and made her way to the door. She signalled for Adam to enter. Adam Stood in the doorway, his eyes focused on Jude in the bed and Connors tight grip on his hands. "Hey Con" Adam spoke

"Dad" Connor replied the tears now rolling down his face. Adam placed his hand on Connor shoulder. Connor lept from the chair and hugged Adam in a warm embrace. Adam wasn't one for hugging but knew that that's what his son needed right now.

"What if he dies dad?" Connor mumbled with his bottom lip quivering.

"I know son, I know".

Adam puled another chair next to Connor. "How you holding up?, I know it can't be easy" Adam asked.

"I'm…doing good" Connor replied "How did you know anyway?"

"Lena, gave me a call, she told me what happened to Jude and that you were here, that you hadn't slept or gone home"

"I just want to be here, you know in case anything happens"

"I know" Adam replied glancing at Jude.

"I just keep thinking….what would happen? what would happen if he died. What would I do, how would I cope. He's not only my friend but my….partner, I imaged us being together forever, and after last year I was going to make sure noting stopped that"

"Whatever happens, I'll be here." Adam spoke noticing Connor glance at him in a peculiar way.

"I know I haven't always been supportive, not fully educated or understanding. I always pictured you growing old with a wife and kids, playing baseball, dating girls, you know being the perfect son. That's what sacred me about Jude, that he was going to ruin my dream for you."

"Really?"

"Yh, that's why it took me a while to realise and come to terms with who you are, that _my_ vision for you was gone. It wasn't anything personal, but watching your friendship develop and then coming out made me realise, that you had to make your decisions not me. I guess I was one of those parents who live _their_ lives through their kids". Connor smiled at his dad who had rested his hand on his shoulder reassuring Connor that he loved him and would support him.

"It was me who made the first move on Jude"

"Really?"

"The camping trip in 7th grade. We got to talking about the time when I snuck out over to Jude's. We played spin the bottle and I had to kissed Jude. Luckily Callie told me you were there so we never kissed. However I couldn't stop thinking about what happened if we did kiss, how we would feel, how I would feel. So on the trip I asked if I could, just to see what it felt like."

"When did you first realise?" his dad enquired

"I think…that deep down there was small feelings for him, but nothing ever developed until I realised how much I missed my friend when you stopped us seeing each other and when he went mute, after the trip that's when they became more prominent. And dating Daria was a way to act on them, with you accepting _that_ relationship I could see Jude more" Connor replied sharing glances between Jude and his dad.

The hours passed and Connor sat with Adam reminiscing about old times, things they did together, things he did with Jude. They talked about what would happen in the future when Jude pulled through from his coma (Something Connor was certain on). They laughed and joked, something Connor hadn't done in weeks, a happier Connor sat in Jude's room, with his dads comforting words playing again and again in his mind. Adam knew Connor didn't want to leave his boyfriends side but persuaded him to leave the room and get a drink and some fresh air reassuring him that Jude would still be here when he returned. "You have my word, it's not like he going anywhere"

"Ok, you want anything?"

"No I'm good". Connor left the room and Adam rose from his chair and sat close to Jude. "I uh don't know if you heard what I said, or if you can hear anything but I meant it. I didn't mean to cause you hurt all those years ago, to push you away from Connor. It was nothing personal, it's just…like I said I had dreams for Connor, and when you came along you made them harder. Now I realise that if I had pushed any further I may have pushed Connor away. Seeing him with you and, how happy he makes you and how much you make him happy, I get the feeling that he wouldn't be like this if he had a wife, that he would feel like something was missing, like he wasn't being honest. I guess what I'm saying is don't die, don't because losing you would be the hardest thing that Connor will ever face ab dim not sure what will happen to him if you go… I don't want to know, he may go down a path that no one can bring him back from, like he said you're not only his boyfriend but his best friend and I know…what it's like to lose one. Suddenly the noise from Jude's machine changed. Adams head darted up and stared at the machine. The constant beeping that filled the room changed to one singling beep as Jude began to flat line.

 **Will be off for 3 weeks so no update for a while**


	13. Chapter 13

_Connor headed trough the busy hustle and bustle of the hospital corridors in a much happier frame of mind. He felt more relaxed, less upset at the prospect of losing Jude. His dads comforting words struck a nerve within him. He'd looked for support from his dad about his sexuality for years, eventually giving up hope that he would fully come to accept him. The recent events in both Adam and Connors life had made the two become closer. As Connor approached Jude's room he noticed his dad standing up next to Jude's bed, the doctors rushing around him "Starting CPR" announced one of the doctors. Connor stood there. His whole world came crashing down, he was close to losing the one person he oved the most. Everything seemed to move slowly in Connors mind, movement and actions of the doctors, the coffee cup falling to the ground emitting a splash of coffee like a volcano erupting. " Charging 120!" yelled one of the doctors as they proceeded to shock his heart. Adam moved closer to Connor who watched Jude jump in the bed from the shock, " Charging 180". Adam stretched his arms out to hug Connor who proceeded to fall to the floor, his dad trying to catch and cradle him, to be there for him. The sound of the doctors voices began to fade to silence as Connor crumbled at his dads feet. His eyes welling with tears he could barely make visible the figure of Jude jumping in the bed as the doctors tried to bring him back_

Connor stood on the beach. The combination of stone and sand nestled around his feet. He gazed out to the sunset. The orange glow eliminating the sky, reflecting on the calm blue sea. He stood thinking about the last two months, how his dad had been more close to him since Jude's accident how he had supported him at his worst, his moment of realisation back at the hospital when Jude flat lined that in the 30 minutes they tried to save him, that this could be the end. No more friendship, no more partnership, no more Jude. That's what go to him the most. Droplets ran down his fingers slashing on his shoes and the sand around him. He looked at the sky but couldn't notice any rain. Moving his hand towards his face he noticed the were covered in blood. Connor started at them, the ruby red blood covered his hands, running his thumb over his fingers to feel the wet blood. He knew where it came from, he knew what he did, he knew that even though it was wrong, it made him feel better inside.

The two months had been the longest in Connors life. The shock of losing Jude hit him badly. The emotional stress took its toll. Jude was out of the hospital and home recovering. Confined to a wheelchair due to a broken leg he couldn't really do much on his own. Connor liked helping Jude out, he was happy Jude was out of the hospital and danger. The fact that Jude was home-made Connor somewhat happy. Jude was safe, but it wasn't the same Jude that he knew, this Jude was distant not as bubbly or outgoing as the one Connor knew. Perhaps it was a phase he was going through whilst he recovered, perhaps he would return to the person Connor knew or he would be forever this way, A shadow of his former self. The door opened and Connor was greeted with Familiar voices " Connor? Jude?" A women voice called

"In here Lena" Connor replied.

"Hi" Lena announced as she made her way to the living room with stef following close behind

"How are you two doing?" Stef asked as she greeted Connor with a hug.

"Were doing good, Jude's a bit more vocal today, but apart from that…."

"I understand" Stef replied rubbing he hand up and down his arm. "Do you want to go out get some air?, we'll stay here looking after Jude"

"No I'm ok"

"I agree with Steph. You look exhausted"

"IM FINE ALRIGHT!" Connor snapped back at the two women, immediately apologising and heading towards the kitchen.  
"I'll go after him" Lena told Steph brushing her way past her wife who had turned to look at Jude staring out the window.

"Hey" Lena uttered to Connors back. He was leant over the sink, his hands pressed flat against the counter tops.

"I'm sorry for back there, I shouldn't have…"

"Its fine" Lena replied moving towards Connor. "I understand, you've been there for Jude since his accident and you don't want to leave him, you're worried that something is going to happen, like it did at the hospital. You can't keep living with that fear that every second you leave him something bad is going to happen."

"I know your right" Connor replied staring at the ground

"When was the last time you slept?"  
"I can't remember"

"When was the last time you smiled or saw something that made you laugh?".

"I have no idea"

"I spoke to your dad. It's nice that he's been here for you, it's just a shame it took something like this to get you two closer together.

"The time he sat and spent with me at the hospital was the first time we had done something like that in a while you know, just talked and laughed. After Jude nearly died he tried his best to raise my spirits, but nothing worked. I was to focused on Jude's well-being".

"Jude will be fine, trust me. Now go" Lena ordered Connor.

"Thanks Lena"

"Yeah dad I'm fine…No Steph and Lena are with him…Yeah they made me leave him and get some air, this whole situations just been tough on me, but I'm better now, I think were better now…Yeah love you dad, bye" Connor hung up the call and slipped the phone back in his pocket. He walked along the pavement (Sidewalk) and stopped at the spot where Jude was knocked down. He had played that moment in his head so many times, over and over again, just trying to see if there was something he could have done to warn Jude earlier. The police had got nowhere in the hit and run case. Connor turned to gaze up at the window and noticed Jude looking down at him. He raised his hand to give him a wave to which Jude waved back. Jude had sporadic moments of speech where he would say a few words, but for the most part he was silent. Connor remembered this Jude when they were at school how he hated seeing his best friend like this. This was not the Jude he wanted to have for the rest of his life. He made his way up the stairs to his flat (apartment) and headed to the living room where both Steph and Lena were waiting for him. "What's going on?" He asked concerned by the massive grin on their faces.

"Well we decided that five minutes of fresh air is not going to do you any good" Steph replied holding Lena's hand and holding an envelope in the other.

"So we thought that you deserved some time way, some Connor time". Lena responded nudging Steph to pass the envelope to Connor.

"What's this?"

"We decided that you needed some time away, so we took it upon ourselves to book you a little getaway, it's a nice resort located in the south of England, they've got surfing, sports , beaches everything you like"

"Yeah it's only a week, but that should be enough time for you to heal yourself". Lena spoke wondering how Connor would take this gesture.

"I really appreciate this but I don't want to …"

"Do not say anything about leaving Jude. As much as you've been there for him, you need to think of yourself".

" I know but…"

"Go" A croaky voice emitted from behind the two women

"Jude?" Connor spoke

"Go Connor, I want you to. You have done so much for me, that know it's my turn to do something for you".

"You want me to go?"

"Yes you deserve some time to yourself…it's not like I'm going anywhere"

"And don't worry we'll be here to look after him while you're gone". Steph said smiling at Connor

Connor had spent the past 3 days enjoying the time away from Jude. He hated every minute of it of course, but Jude had demanded that he go and he wasn't one to go against his boyfriends wishes. One night whilst he wandered the streets he noticed a car. Now normally this wouldn't bother him but for some reason this car stood out. He stared at the car trying to think of where he had seen it. Just then the owner appeared from a local pub and barged into Connor not even acknowledging he exist. He watched the driver a middle aged man with dark hair and a slim build sit in the car before screeching away. As the car turned the corner, he remembered why the car looked so familiar. That was the car that hit Jude. Connor couldn't believe it by some miracle he had just brushed arms with the guy who caused him to have the worst two months of his life. He knew he couldn't miss this chance. He returned to that's same spot for the next two days. And that evening as luck would have it the guy returned. He watched him pull up and head down an alley way opposite the pub for a smoke. Knowing he would never get another chance like this he motioned himself towards the alley. As he walked towards the Jude's attacker, Connor suddenly began to feel and adrenaline rush. He approached the bloke who proceed to ask Connor what he wanted in a stern voice. Just then Connor lunged forward striking the guy in the face nocking the cigarette from his mouth. He grabbed the guys jacket and pinned him up against the red brick wall.

"WHATS YOUR PROBLEM!?" The guy demanded to know

" _MY_ problem is that you put my boyfriend in the hospital" Connor said gritting his teeth.

"Don't know what you're talking about"

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" Connor yelled back taking another swing at the guy "Think back to two months ago when you driving caused my boyfriend to go flying in the air and nearly died"  
"Oh I remember… yeah he dented my bonnet (Hood)" The guy chuckled causing Connor to breathe heavier and his foist become more tighter. He to a swing at the guy this time sending him to the floor. The guy crashed to the floor landing in a pile of trash still chuckling away. Connor moved down to the floor and continued to hit the guy, his blood covering Connors hands. Finally he stopped. He rose from the ground and looked at what he had done. Part of him was proud, the other part was ashamed. The guy still laughed as Connor walked away. He made his way back his resort where he had wandered on to the beach. As he stood there reflecting on what had just happened and all the events over the past years he knew that there was something he had to do.

Jude sat in his wheelchair talking to Steph and Lena. "You know it's really not that bad. I like sitting down all day". He joked

"Well were just glad your felling much better and I'm sure Connor will be glad as well" Lena commented.

"I can't wait for him to get home, after everything he's done for me"

"He's done all of that because he loves and cares for you" Lena replied

"I think he really liked the idea of having a week away so he could forget about everything" Steph spoke moving towards the kitchen to make a drink

"When is he back?" Jude asked

"Um he should be back in a couple of days, why"

" _I_ want to do something for him. You got him the week away now I need to do something"

"You have anything in mind" Steph said leaving the kitchen and re-entering the living room.

"No not yet, I want to…" Jude was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Connor came barging through to the living room "Jude? Jude?"

"I'm in here, where's the fire" Jude joked as he was unprepared for Connors incoming hug. "Whoa not so tight"

"Sorry it's just I've missed you"

"What are you doing back early?" Lena asked

"Well I had a few days away and that's all that was needed to make me better again and make me want to do a crazy thing like this".

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a case. "Jude Adams Foster we have been through some difficulty's I'm not going to lie. We started off a close friends and that soon developed many years later and many miles apart into something more than I ever could have imagined. The last year has been hard what with my coma and when you were there for me when I was at deaths door, the breakup which was one of the hardest things to do and your accident made me realised I could lose you at any moment and we'd just be boyfriends. I don't want that to happen. I want to spend the rest of my life with you so that if something happens one of us will go out a married man….Jude Adams Foster will you do me the honour of making me that one of them married men"

Connor proceed to open up the box, which unfortunately was empty

"I didn't have time get a ring" he laughed, whilst Steph and Lena both wrapped the arms around each other's happy for the two of them. Jude stared at the box and looked at Connor both of whom had tears rolling down their cheeks " I will make you a married man, if you will make me a married man" Jude replied

"Then I guess were getting married" Connor chuckled rising up from the floor to hug Jude. After all that had happened that this would be that start of something new.


	14. Chapter 14

Connor sat slumped in the couch. The glare from the TV illuminated the living room. He wasn't watching it, his mind was on other things, just staring into space. The muted TV was playing away to itself, when Connor heard the creek of a bedroom door. He turned to see Jude gripping the wheels of his wheelchair, struggling to get out of the doorframe. "Please don't get up and help me" Jude said sarcastically.

"Sorry" Connor muttered as he pulled himself from the seat and motioned towards his fiancé. "I was preoccupied" he said gripping the handle bars. He pushed Jude towards the living room.

"With what?" Jude asked

"Um nothing" he said hoping he could change the subject.

"No go on tell me" Jude spoke turning his head to look up at Connor, who had parked Jude's wheelchair. Connor headed back towards the seat and nestled himself in the comfy chair.

"I was…" Connor paused

"What?"

"Thinking" He responded glaring at Jude

"About?"

"About us, about all the time we lost, the last few days before I moved to New York, the day I told you and the… the day. The day our friendship just…stopped"

"I remember that day all too well, I felt so upset, heartbroken. Not only was I losing a friend, I was losing my best friend, my first true best friend".

"I didn't like having to tell you" Connor spoke rubbing his hands together. "I spent days trying to figure out how to tell you…if I should tell you. I thought of just leaving and telling you when I was far enough away so that I wouldn't have to see how…upset you were."

"I think I would have liked that more"

"Huh?"

"That way every time I thought of you I wouldn't think of that moment. I would think of the last time we hung out, or our last joke and laugh, the last time we went to the batting cages, instead of one of the saddest days of my life."

"Really?" Connor asked in a confused state.

"Yeah, I don't know why but it just would have felt better, I wouldn't have had to relive that moment"

"Do you remember the day I told you" Connor asked arising from the chair and moved closer to Jude. He knelt beside him and rubbed Jude's hand

"Yeah" he whispered "So clearly"

 _Jude sat at the breakfast table, crunching away at his cereal scrolling through his phone. His attention was drawn to the loud voices coming down the stairs. Nothing uncommon living in house with a large family. He watched and listened as Marianna strode into the kitchen with Callie following close behind having her ear chewed off by her sister. "Look we only have a limited amount of hot water and if we don't stick to the schedule then I don't have time to wash my hair."_

" _Look there's seven of us in this house, it's hard to stick to a schedule ok" Callie reminded her_

" _Well we need to enforce it more" Mariana stated_

" _Can you go one morning without trying to debate something with someone" Lena asked her_

" _Callie said It, we have a large family and it's hard to stick to a schedule." Jesus piped up taking a bite from is bagel._

" _Well we need to stick to it"_

" _Good morning everyone" Stef announced as she entered the kitchen_

" _Morning sweetie" Lena said greeting stef with a kiss._

" _Jude you know the rules no phone at the table" Stef reminded him_

" _Sorry" he said tucking his phone into his jean pocket_

" _Now everyone, we want you home on time tonight, we have guests coming over ok"_

" _Sure"_

" _That's fine with me"  
"Do I have to be here?" Jesus protested_

" _Yes you do" Lena replied "Now hurry up and eat, we have to leave for school soon"_

 _The kids hurried to finish their cereal and headed towards the front door. As Jude was about to leave the kitchen Lena called him back_

" _Hey bud, can I have a word?"  
"Sure" he said dropping his bag and sitting down on his recently vacated stool._

" _How are things with you and Connor?"  
"Fine. Why do you ask?"_

" _I've seen how different you've been lately. I just wanted to make sure everything was ok. I know the past two weeks have been tough"  
"We're good" he said nodding his head "We haven't been as close as we once were but were still friends"_

" _I just wanted to make sure. Maybe he can come round tonight after our guest have left. I know that his dads been hard on you lately, what with the batting cages, thinking you were gay and the camping trip and I know that telling me, Monte and Adam about what happened caused Connor to get frustrated"._

" _I'll see what he says, but do you mind checking with his dad first."_

" _Sure bud, no go get in the car or were gonna be late"_

 _Jude wandered through the corridors heading towards his locker. He opened his locker and rummaged through it gathering his books for his next lesson. He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Connor who was heading over to say hi. "Hey" Connor muttered smiling at Jude_

" _Hey, how was your weekend?"_

" _Not too bad, spent some time with my Dad at the batting cages"._

" _How did that go?" Jude asked closing his locker_

" _It was good"_

" _So anyway I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight maybe, we've got guests coming over after school but Mom said you can come after they've left"._

" _I don't know, my Dad's still..." Jude cut him off_

" _Lena's going to speak with your dad"_

" _Ok, cool". The bell rang and the boys headed off towards their lesson. Lunch rolled round and Connor sat on a bench at the beach behind the school. He felt his phone vibrate and check his message. He saw the message was from his dad that simply read 'call me'. Nervously he dialled his dad's number, his breathing becoming heavier. "Hello" his dad answered_

" _Hi Dad"_

" _See you got my message. So Lena called"_

" _I know Jude asked me"_

" _And what did you say?"_

" _That it's up to you" he spoke whilst rubbing his thigh_

" _Have you told him yet?"_

" _No I…I'm waiting for the right time"_

" _Then you can tell him tonight"  
"Your letting me go"_

" _That's right, he needs to know so you can tell him then"  
"Ok Dad"_

" _Bye Connor"_

" _Bye Dad". Connor hung up and placed his phone on the bench. He turned and saw Jude speaking to Lena. He watched as Jude made his way to him. "Hey, so my Mom spoke to your Dad and he says its fine"_

" _I know I just spoke to him. Listen…" Connor stopped, averting his gaze from Jude "There something I need to tell you"._

" _What is it?" Jude asked with a concerned look_

" _Not now. I'll tell you tonight"  
"Ok"_

 _Lena head towards the front door trying to shuffle her guests out. Dinner was supposed to finish 45 minutes ago. As she closed the front door she turned to see the kids scurrying upstairs. "Well I see that didn't take long!" She yelled to them. Jude had stayed downstairs. "Hey, what time is Connor coming?"_

" _He should be here soon, I told him to leave half an hour ago"_

" _What's wrong? you've been quiet all evening"_

" _Connor said he needed to tell me something tonight, I'm just wondering what it its"_

" _I'm sure it's nothing. Head on upstairs and I'll send him up when he's here, ok"_

" _Ok" Jude responded as he jogged up the stairs. About 10 minutes later there was a knock at the door. Lena opened it and saw Connor standing on the stoop. "Come on in Connor, Jude's up stairs"  
"Thanks Lena" _

" _Jude, Connors here!" she yelled "Head on up Connor". Connor made his way up the stairs and knocked on the door. "Hey" Jude spoke ushering Connor in_

" _Hi"_

" _Once again I have to leave MY room" Jesus grumbled_

" _It's my room to "Jude reminded him_

" _Whatever" he moaned_

" _Hey I got a film set up" Jude announced_

" _Cool" Connor responded sitting down on the floor. It was about halfway through the film when Jude asked the question. "So what did you want to tell me?" Connor didn't respond_

" _Tell me…Connor"_

" _I uh…I uh…I'm MOVING!"_

" _What were to, not to far I hope" Jude joked_

" _New York". Jude paused the film. He stared at the wall trying to take in what he had just heard_

" _New York. Why?"  
"My Dad's company is uh transferring him"_

" _When uh…when did you find out?"_

" _A week ago"_

" _AND YOU'RE JUST TELLING ME NOW!" Jude snapped_

" _I'm sorry Jude, I really am I just didn't know how to break it to you"_

" _When do you leave?"_

" _You don't want to know"  
"Yes I do"_

" _Two, uh" Connor froze_

" _What, days, weeks, months"_

" _Days"_

" _Days, days. I think its best if you go"_

" _Don't say that" Connor pleaded_

" _Go". Connor got up from the floor and headed towards the door. He stooped in the doorway and turned to Jude. "Sorry" he said. As he headed for the door Lena was just leaving the kitchen,_

" _Connor where are you going?" He shut the door behind him and Lena proceeded up the stairs to check on Jude. She saw him curled up on his bed. "Sweetie what happened?" She asked as she positioned herself at the foot of his bed rubbing his leg._

" _Connors moving" Jude responded_

" _Oh, where to"_

" _New York…Two days' time"_

" _Oh bud I had no idea"_

" _I'm losing my friend mom" he began to sob_

 _I know sweetie…I know"_

 _So came the day of Connors departure. Jude had stayed clear of Connor at school. Not wanting to see him, say something he would regret. He laid in bed staring at the ceiling. His phone buzzed on the table next to him. He looked and saw the caller I.D. as Connor. Rejecting the call he placed the phone back on the table and went back to staring at the ceiling. The phone buzzed again and as before he cancelled the call. Then the phone buzzed again and again and again. Finally Jude gave in and answered the call. "I don't want to speak to you" he muttered_

" _Come outside I want to say goodbye"_

" _You're here?"  
"Yeah. You didn't think I was going to leave without saying goodbye to my best friend did you?"_

" _I'll be down in five"_

" _Ok". Jude got out of bed and got dressed. He headed down the stairs and saw Lena by the door._

" _Connors outside" She told him_

" _I know we just spoke"_

" _So what you going to do?" she asked him_

" _I'm going to say goodbye to my best friend and wish him the best of luck" he said smiling. He headed out the door and approached Connor. "I didn't want to leave without seeing you and saying goodbye. I'm sorry I sprung this on you, I should have told you sooner than we would have had more time to…"_

" _It's better that you didn't. Less time to hate you" Jude chuckled as did Connor_

" _I can't believe you're going" Jude said holing back his tears_

" _Yeah" Connor started to cry "I'm really going to miss dude"_

" _Hey we'll always stay in touch you're not going to get rid me by moving to another state" Jude chuckled_

" _Yeah I know"_

" _Connor lets go" his dad spoke in a gravelly voice. The two boys hugged gripping each other tightly feeling each other tears run down their faces. Connor walked to his car but before giving one last look to Jude being comforted by his family. Jude caught Connor in the corner of his eye and raised his hand to wave goodbye'._

Jude turned to Connor. "Well look at us know"

"Yh I guess you're right. I just can stop thinking about all that time we lost" Connor spoke.

"All of that time we lost, all of that time apart means nothing when compared to the rest of our lives that we'll spend together …fiancé". Connor smiled and kissed a yawning Jude.

"Ok, time we both went to bed I think sleepy head." Connor turned the TV off and followed Jude towards the bedroom in a blissful state of happiness knowing that the time lost would not be time wasted without Jude as he was going to spend the rest of his life with his one true friend.


	15. Chapter 15

The pair laid together, locked in each other's warm embrace. Connor ran his hands through Jude's hair, briefly removing his hand to after realising how greasy Jude's hair was. 'I think someone needs to cut back on the product' Connor muttered to himself. Jude was dead to the world, he liked the feel of Connor being there for him especially after recent weeks. The curtains let a fair amount of sunlight in, just enough so Jude's eyes would react to it waking him from his deep sleep. "Morning sleepy head" Connor spoke a Jude squirmed and stretched.

"Morniiiiiiinng" he said placing his hand over his mouth to cover his yawning.

"Enjoy your sleep?"

"Not too bad… it was better knowing you were there" Jude smiled as he watched Connor starting to laugh.

"So what shall we do today?" Connor said

"Well I was thinking we could have a lazy day and just stay snuggled up." Jude responded running his fingers over Connors biceps.

"You know we have a wedding to plan right?" Connor replied staring at the wall in front of him

"Well we don't have to get hitched straight away"

"Why not?" Connor questioned

"Well were not in a rush and I want to…" Jude paused and turned away from Connor glancing at his wheelchair in the corner.

"What…what is it" Connor asked repositioning Jude's head to face him

"I want to be able to walk, I don't want to go down in a wheelchair."

"Your leg will be fine, trust me" Connor said smiling at Jude who returned the gesture. "Now why don't I get us some coffee ok?"

"Well seeing as I'm up, I might as well join you"

"Do you need help or?"

"No, I'm fine" Jude said stretching over to reach the handles of his wheelchair. He positioned it at the bed so he could climb easily into it. He wheeled himself to the bedroom door and continued on sown the corridor meeting Connor at the kitchen.

"Coffees almost done" Connor informed Jude who positioned himself at the table. As Connor placed the coffee in front of him Jude pulled and envelope from his wheelchair

"Oh I forgot this came for you the other day, but was water damaged, it slipped my mind"

"Where was it?"  
"The front step, it was either dropped there or left cause it got caught in the rain. Who's it from?"

"I don't know there's too much damage, it just says 'see you soon'." A knock struck the door. Connor dropped the letter on the table and headed towards the door.

"Well who ever it's from well see them soon" Jude said sipping his coffee.

"I guess" Connor spoke as he approached the door. As he opened the flat door, he was taken back in shock. He froze. In front of him stood a person he never thought he would see again, someone who he hadn't seen in years a person who was missing for the most important years of his life.

"Hello Connor" the figure spoke

"Mom?"

Connor stood their motionless. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, who he was seeing, a women who hadn't seen or contacted him in years was standing in his doorway. He didn't know quite what to say. Did he yell at her, address her politely or just cry and hug her. "Well don't just stand there, give your mum a hug!" his mom yelled dropping he bags and outstretching her arms. Connor proceeded to hug his mum. "Oh it's so good to see you" she said in a cheery disposition, "Well can in come in or….?" Connor snapped back to reality

"Um yeah sure" he moved to the side allowing his mum to enter and head towards the kitchen. Connor grabbed the bags and closed the door behind him. Jude was still in the kitchen with full view of what had just happened "Jude it is so good to see you again, it's been a while"

"Hi Kathy, it's good to see you to"

"What are you doing here mum?"

"What a mom can't drop by and see her son and future son in law?"

"Yes a mom can when they live in the same country, not get a plane and fly 7000miles"

"Connor relax its fine" Jude said noticing Kathy's arrival was getting to Connor. Kathy hadn't been in Connors life during his teenage years. The time when he needed his mother the most to help him through his dad's disapproval of his friendship with Jude. She had moved to Texas when he was 13. She had divorced Adam after a few uneasy months in their marriage. They weren't as close or in love as they once were. She felt it was best to leave and when a job opportunity arose in Texas she took the chance. Leaving Connor was the hardest thing she had to do. She loved her son dearly, but didn't want to take him away from his friends.

"The truth is I wanted to see you, to see how you were doing. I told you I was coming, did you not get my letter?". Jude heled the letter up

"It got damaged in the rain" He said

"Oh, well let's see my arrival as a nice surprise"

"How did you know where I was, about me and Jude?"

"Your Father, I spoke to him a few months back. He told me that you were living out here, that you and Jude were a couple".

"You said son-in-law? I never told you"  
"Oh sweetie a mother knows"

"So I take it he told you about my accident"?

"He did"

"So where were you?!" Connor finally snapped. His mother just strolled in here after 10 plus years and is acting like everything is ok.

"Connor calm down" Jude pleaded

"NO! SHE CAN'T JUST COME IN HERE AND LIKE EVERYTHING IS OK. SHE LEFT WHEN I WAS 13 AND MADE LITTLE EFFORT TO CONTACT ME AND WHEN I WAS IN A COMA SHE DIDN'T COME TO VISIT. DAD MADE THE JOURNEY WHY NOT YOU?" Connor was furious. Jude hadn't seen him get like this for a long time. He tried to calm his fiancé down.

"Connor relax, please"

"WHY!?"

"Because you're scaring me". Connor took a second to calm down. He saw that Jude was uncomfortable.

"I want her out of here" Connor spoke staring at the floor not wanting to face his mother.

"Con you don't mean that" Kathy responded

"I do, I don't want you here. You've been gone for 10 years of my life another ten's not going to make a difference"

"If that's what you want". Kathy rose from the chair, rummaged in her pockets and pulled out a card, placing on the table.

"If you want to speak, here's my number" Kathy grabbed her bags and headed towards the door, turning to face Connor who averted his gaze. She closed the door and Connor turned to face Jude

"You shouldn't have said that" Jude muttered to Connor

"Why not I meant it, now I don't want to talk about this" Connor left the kitchen and headed back to the bedroom.

Jude sat waiting for Kathy. It had been two days since here arrival. Two days since Connor effectively shunned his mom from his life. Jude had tried to get Connor to apologize, but his mind was set. Jude decided to take it upon himself to contact Kathy, to sit her down and sort out Connors actions. He sat staring out the window or the lobby when Kathy came down from the lift (elevator). She smiled, waved and headed towards Jude's table. "Thanks for meeting me" Jude spoke shaking her hand as she sat down. "Its fine, I know if anyone can get through to Connor you can, he's always been stubborn".

"What he said the other day, he didn't mean it, just seeing you after all these years, it just got to him. He'll eventually come around"

"No he's right, I just left him there, I never tried to speak to him, and I wasn't there after his accident when he needed his parents, when he needed _me,_ now I need him".

"What do you mean?"

"I'm dying, Jude, I'm dying" Jude sat there staring. He was trying to digest what had happened but he couldn't. "It's terminal. I have a brain tumour, the doctors reckon I have about 3 months left. That's why I'm here to make amends, patch things up, to say I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you tell Connor when you saw him?" Jude questioned

"You saw the state he was in, if I told him I was dying after he freaked out who knows what would have happened"  
"He needs to know" Jude told her reaching across to take hold of her hand

"I can't bring myself to tell him"

"Do you want me to tell him?"  
"I couldn't ask you to do that it would be too much"

"Someone needs to tell him"

Connor sat at the table on his laptop waiting for Jude. His mind was still on his mom, had been ever since her sudden appearance. He didn't care why she was here, he didn't want to see or hear from her. Jude opened the door and wheeled himself in. He noticed Connor was at the table in thought "Writing your next big piece?" Jude asked bringing him back in to reality

"Huh, oh I didn't hear you come in… where you been all day?"

"I was out… I met a friend for lunch"

"What friend?"  
"Oh no one" he replied

"No go on tell me" Connor persisted noticing that Jude was trying to hide something

"Fine if you want to know I had lunch with…your mom"

"You what?" Connor asked looking confused "Why would you do that?"  
"Because she needed to talk to someone and I think you should apologize to her."

"She left me and that all there is to it"

"No there's more to it"

"No there's not…and I can't believe you went to see her anyway!"

"Look you can't blame her for"

"Why not? she left me "

"Would it have made you a different person, No!?"

"You don't know that"

"Can we not talk about this ok?" Connor asked visibly getting frustrated over the conversation, wandering around the kitchen.

"Ok let's talk about the wedding" Jude uttered "I think we should have it in three months"

"What, why? I thought you wanted to wait"

"Well what's the point in waiting, the sooner the better and I think…?" Jude paused he was uncertain how Connor would react to his next remark. "That we should invite your mother". Connors breathing became heavier, his nostrils started to flare "WHY DO YOU KEEP BEINGING HER UP!"

"Because she's your mother and I think she should be there"

"Well I don't want her there"

"You know what with your stubbornness you may get your wish"

"What's that supposed to mean!" Connor said snapping at Jude

"When I had lunch today she told me something, something she couldn't bring herself to tell you. The real reason why she is here."

"What is it!?"

"Your mom is… she's…" Jude couldn't bring himself tom do it either. Connor was already worked up and he was unsure about how Connor would take the news.

"Tell me Jude, don't leave me writing" he said sarcastically.

"SHES DYING CONNOR, CANCER!" Jude yelled that at the top of his voice. He didn't want to tell his fiancé but he needed to Know. Connor stood there motionless. His anger turned to pain, to sadness. Jude motioned himself towards Connor who started to stumble looking for something to grab onto. He reached out for a wall placing his palms against it. "Dying, dying, dying". He repeated the word over and over trying to make sense of it. Connor fell to the floor his knees pointing upwards resting his head against them. "I'm sorry Connor. I didn't want to tell you, not like this"

"How…how long, what type? Connor had all these questions but Jude didn't want to tell him, to put more strain on him.

"Its best if you speak to her, she should tell you". As Connor sat crumpled up the phone began to ring. He rose his face from his lap, the tears still rolling down his cheeks and lifted himself up from the floor. He made his way over to the phone and answered "Hello?" he spoke through his sobbing

"Connor?"

"Mom I'm so sorry".


	16. Chapter 16

Connor sat at his desk. The only light guiding his vision was emitting from the desk lamp. He sat staring at the paper. A few scarce words scattered the page all jumbled up. He found it difficult to arrange the words. It might have something to do with his stress, the impending day or the many thoughts on his mind, then again it could be because it was 3 in the morning. He sat staring at the notepad, he tore the sheet from the book and picked up his pen ready to re-comprise his thoughts.

'I never thought I'd be standing here doing this. I never had the best of upbringings, I never had a full family like most kids, but I knew I was loved. When my mom moved away I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to feel but I had my best friend there. My mom wasn't always there for me when I needed her. When I needed her during my teenage years, my coming out period, the moment when I needed her the most, but she's here for me now.' Connor sat staring at the piece of paper not sure if what he had put down reflected how he truly felt. He heard footsteps approaching from behind him. He turned around as the living room light flicked on. Jude was standing there in his pyjamas staring at Connor. "Hey what are you still doing up?" Jude asked leaning against the wall rubbing his eyes.

"Preparing" Connor replied returning to his sheet of paper.

"For what?" Jude asked shuffling over to him

"The worst" he replied

"It's not going to be that bad" Jude reassured him as he sat on the desk, positioning Connors head to face his.

"How do you know?

"I just do, know it's late and we need to get some rest, we have long day ahead of us".

"I'll be in in a minute" Connor said stroking Jude's arm.

Connor laid on the bed staring at the ceiling. His right arm underneath his head. He sat thinking of the last 3 months with his mother. The moment he found out she was dying was one of the most heart-breaking moments he faced. Just because he hadn't spoken to her in years didn't mean he didn't have love for her, she was still his mom. He thought back to his first meeting with her after finding out. _Connor sat at the kitchen table. His palms were in an uncontrollable sweat, his legs twitching under the table. This was his first meeting with his mum since Jude told him during an argument that she was dying. A knock at the door startled him. Jude wheeled himself over to the door and reached for the knob. He ushered Kathy in who stood there, hands crossed, arms down at her waist looking at his son. "Hi Connor" she spoke quietly making very little eye contact_

" _Hi Mom" he replied glancing at her for a split second_

" _Well I'll leave you two alone" Jude uttered "I'll be in the over room if you need me" and with that Jude wheeled himself into the living room. Kathy moved to the table. Grabbing a chair she moved it away from the table lowering herself down upon the seat. "Why didn't you tell me?" Connor asked staring up at his mother._

" _You never gave me a chance, when I turned up the other day you were… so mad, I didn't want to tell you there and then, it would only have made things worse."_

" _But you felt ok telling Jude?" Connor asked with a slight look of distain on his face_

" _I knew that you would take it better from him, that you wouldn't lash out at him when he told you, also I couldn't bring myself to tell you, to just turn up and tell you I was dying."_

" _How long have you known?"  
"About 6 months"_

" _Why now, why not sooner?"_

" _I don't know"_

" _How bad, how long?" Connor asked not wanting to know_

" _Terminal brain cancer, about 3 months they reckon". Connor began to break down. Kathy moved around to comfort him, reassuring him it would be ok. "It's ok, it's gonna be ok"_

" _That's why Jude wanted to move the wedding forward so you could be there"_

" _I know, he told me when we had our meeting, it's his gift to you". Connor looked at his mother, he rose from is chair and headed to living room to find Jude. "Hey how's everything with you and your…" Jude never got to finish his sentence as Connor interrupted his speech by locking their lips. "What was that for?" Jude said coming back round from the shock_

" _Thank you… Thank you for giving me the best wedding gift ever"_

" _I take it she told you then?" Jude chuckled_

" _Yes, yes she did"._

 _Over the next 3 months Connor and his mother spent most of their days together. He talked to her about his teenage years, all the moments he had missed, the move to New York, the separation of him and Jude as friends and how they came back into each other's lives. He told of his time in the hospital, how Jude had cheated on him and how he reacted, how he nearly lost Jude twice and the pain he felt and the night he confronted Jude's attacker. The rage he felt beating the guy up, and how in that moment he wanted to be with Jude forever and not having anything tear them apart. He spoke about Adam and how he had slowly, but finally come to accept Connor, how he was there for him when Jude nearly died and how proud he was of him. Connor felt joy reconnecting with his mom, catching up on all she had missed, making up for lost time, spending every waking moment with her before she passed on and it was just him and Jude and Adam._

Connor watched as Jude squirmed in the bed, waking himself up. Connor greeted him with a morning kiss and laid there watching him. "Morning" Connor spoke smiling at Jude

"Huh…what time is it?" Jude asked in a groggy voice trying to rub his eyes

"About twenty past eight" he replied running his finger up and down Jude's chest

"Were gonna be late"

"We got plenty of time" Connor assured him

"Are you going to be ok today?" Jude asked Connor

"I'm gonna be just fine, thanks for asking"

"I know today is a big day for you, I just want to make sure…"

"I know you care" Connor said staring back at the ceiling "But I'm gonna get though the day and be just fine". Connor got up from the bed and headed towards the bathroom. Jude's phone buzzed on the side of the table. He leapt from the bed to see the message. The message was from Adam. Sliding the unlock bar he read the message, 'Just checking to make sure everything is ok with Connor. I know today is a big day and could be hard on him'. Jude replied reassuring Adam 'Don't worry Connor is ok. I will make sure he gets through the day. See you at the church later today'

Connor came out of the bathroom and headed to his wardrobe," Who was that?" Connor asked rummaging through the draws to find some underwear.

"Just your dad, he wanted to make sure that you were ok"

"Why does everyone keep worrying about me, I'm fine ok!"

"Ok, I'm sorry"

"It's not you, I didn't mean to snap" Connor apologised moving closer towards Jude "At least your walking again"

"Yh no need for you to push me in the wheelchair no more. I know you hated It"  
"I didn't" Connor laughed "I actually enjoyed it".

Jude and Connor got dressed and headed towards the living room, both dressed in black suits. "Have you got everything?" Jude asked Connor. Connor checked his pockets and then glanced over at the desk "Almost forget" He said reaching for the speech.

"Everyone's going to meet us at the church".

"Should we get going then?"

"Let's go" Jude and Connor left the flat and headed down to the car.

Connor and Jude pulled up at the church. They parked the car and sat inside for a few minutes. "Ready?" Jude asked Connor

"I don't think I can do this"

"What do you mean? I thought you said…"

"I lied, I thought I was capable of today, but I don't think I can…" Jude takes hold of Connors right hand and looks him in the eyes "You are going to be fine, you are going to get through today and you are going to be strong. Your dad is going to be there for you and so am I and the whole of my family. Do not think that for one second you are alone in all of this, because you are not."

"Thank you" Connor replied. They both left the car and headed towards their families. They were by the door talking. Flowers sent by well-wishers were outside. Connor approached his dad how greeted him with open arms. "Hey dad" Connor uttered

"Hey Con, you ready?" Adam asked

"Yeah dad"

"How you holding up Jude?" Lena asked

"I'm holding up good, it's Connor I'm not too sure about, I think it all came to soon"

"I'm sure he'll be fine" Stef commented

"I've already told him that I'm there for him should he need me" Jude responded

"Have you spoken to Adam?" Lena asked

"Only this morning to check on Connor" Jude replied

"Shouldn't we be heading inside, it's about to start soon" Callie asked. They headed inside the Church and took their seats. A framed photo stood at the front of the church. Connor made his way to the front and turned to face the crowd. He froze, seeing all those faces scared him. He wasn't sure if he could speak. He felt a touch on his hand and saw Jude standing next to him holding his hand. "I told you I will be here for you". Connor cleared his throat and pulled the speech from his suit pocket.

"I never thought I'd be standing here doing this. I never had the best of upbringings, I never had a full family like most kids, but I knew I was loved. When my mom moved away I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to feel but I had my best friend there. My mom wasn't always there for me when I needed her. When I needed her during my teenage years, my coming out period, the moment when I needed her the most, but she's here for me now and I know she'll be supporting me through the day and that she loves me for who I am. I mentioned my best friend before Jude Adams Foster, someone I've known for years, someone who I have been through thick and thin with and will continue to face struggles with. He kept asking me if I was ok, if I was prepared for the today and before we came in here he said that he would be here for me, he would help me get though today and that is why I'm grateful that I am gonna be spending the rest of my life with you, when we get married of course. I just want to say thank you all for being here today". The church was echoed with claps from the guests. Jude then proceeded to make a speech. After Jude had made his speech he stood next to Connor who was staring at the picture. "Do you remember where that was taken?" Jude asked Connor stroking his arm.  
"Yeah you first birthday party at Anchor Beach". The photo that stood at the front of the church was an enlarged photo of Jude and Connor at Jude's first party, the same photo Connor had at his apartment in San Diego all those years ago. "The vicar turned to the crowd and announced "If there is anyone who object's to this matrimony speak now or forever hold your piece… well I now pronounce you husband and husband you may kiss". The guests cheered and clapped and Jude and Connor locked lips. Connor glanced to look at the people who littered the front pew, Stef, Lena, Callie, Adam and his mom Kathy who was emitting a glowing smile at her son seeing how happy he was knowing she was there.


	17. Chapter 17

The keys jangled in the door, the suitcases pounding on the doorframe. Connor attempted to squeeze through the door with all their baggage, tying to not crash into anything, which was easier said than done. He managed to knock the side table toppling over a photo. "Watch it, how hard is it to manoeuvre in a doorway" Jude spoke standing behind Connor.

"You try carrying all this luggage… oh wait you're not" Connor snapped back dropping the luggage on the floor.

"I'm still recovering" Jude responded smiling at Connor

"From what, your accident was a month ago, if your walking you can carry."

"Fine, on my next honeymoon return I will carry the luggage"

"What do you mean next?" Connor asked with a shocked look

"Like where going to be together forever" Jude responded with a coy smile. Connor looked for something to throw at Jude, but nothing was in reach.

"If I could I would throw something at you" Connor laughed back at Jude. "So what do you want to do first unpack, sleep, or call our families?"

"Well I was thinking we could go to the bedroom and _not_ sleep" Jude uttered, inching closer to Connor, holding his hands and resting his head upon his husbands.

"You just never give up do you…? I think we did enough of that already, besides I'm tired and right now I just want to sleep"

"Well why don't you go to sleep and I will start on the unpacking and trying to get back in to a routine again, with a husband" Jude announced with a sense of pride in his body. He watched from the living room as Connor made his way towards the bedroom. Connor turned to face Jude who had begun to sort through the suitcases "You like that word don't you…" he said with a coy smile.

Jude began to sort through the clothes, trying to remember what was clean and what was dirty. It had all been thrown in one massive pile in the cases, neither of them were one for packing, they felt it best to deal with the issue when the returned. He motioned over to the phone to check the messages. He expected the usual ones family checking in to see if they were home a few calls from work and the odd person trying to sell them something they didn't need. He listened to the calls not really paying attention but one made him stop "Mr Stevens this is nurse Martinez from the haven hospice. I'm calling in regards to your mother' Jude motioned towards the phone 'Your mothers condition has detreated at a much faster rate than expected. If you could contact me as soon as. There are somethings we need to discuss". Jude stood there frozen in state. He tried to call for Connor "Co-Co-Connor!" Connor stumbled out of the bedroom door.

"What is it, you need help washing your smelly clothes?" He chuckled not noticing Jude's look. He pointed at the phone and mumbled "Nurse…Hospice…your mum"

"What are you talking about?" He said rushing to the phone to play back the last message. He listened to the words trying to take it all in. He fell to the floor with his back up against the sofa, the tears slowly streaming down his face.

Connor stood outside his mother's room. He wanted to go in but something was holding him back. He knew had to go in, to see his mother before she passed, but he wanted to remember the happier times he had with her. "Mr Stevens?" A female voice uttered

"Huh…um yes" He responded

"I'm Nurse Martinez, I'm your mother's primary carer."

"Hi...how…how is she?"

"As I said on the phone, her condition deteriorated much quicker. The cancer became more aggressive and spread to the rest of her organs. Unfortunately all we can do now is wait."

"I…I want to go in but"

"You don't have the strength. I know how you feel, my father went through the same a few years back. He was on deaths door and I just couldn't bring myself to see him go. It was one of the biggest regrets of my life. Don't do the same" Her advice struck a nerve with Connor. She was right after all. His mother had spent years out of his life. He wanted to spend every minute with her not to waste time. Connor found the strength to set foot into his mother's room. He looked around the room, glancing over at his mother, asleep in her bed. Kathy heard the footsteps and turned in her bed to see Connor standing there putting on a brave face. "Hey Sweetie"

"Hi Mum, sorry I haven't been here sooner"

"You had a honeymoon to go on, I told them not to call as you were away. I was determined to stick it out"

"Well you managed that" Connor chuckled

"It's nice that you're here. Where's Jude?"

"He had to work and he felt it was best if I come alone, just me and you"

"That's sweet. So how was the honeymoon? Did you two enjoy it?"  
"It was good, it was nice just me and Jude, now that were finally together"

"You're happy. I like that…it's all I ever wanted for you. I think that's one of the reasons I left. Don't just stand in the door way come sit"

"Sorry"

"I know I should have been there for you when you were growing up. I should have stayed and not moved away. I wanted you to be happy. I thought if I left then… I don't know"

"I understand, I know you had good reasons".

Connor and his mum talked through the night. They tried to make good use of the time they had left. The two of them reminisced about Connors early upbringing, his childhood everything from his first birthday that he could remember to his first day of school, from the first time Jude came over to the moment he said goodbye to his mum before she left. Kathy had drifted to sleep as Connor sat and watched her. He listened as she mumbled 'son…happy… wedding', "I'm glad you could make it to mum" Connor uttered rubbing her hand. She turned to look at him again to see his face, a face she had thought about everyday "I need to tell you something" Kathy said leaning towards

"What?"

"Be who you are, don't let anybody change that or tell you otherwise. I've always liked that of you how you befriended Jude, stood up to your dad. I'm proud and I wouldn't trade these last 3 months for anything in the world" Kathy said trying to hold back her tears

"I know mum…I know" Connor said through his tears "I've enjoyed them to. Connor watched as his mum slowly slipped away her eyes closed, her head rested back onto the pillow and he watched her final moments holding her hand. When he was sure she had passed he placed his head upon her stomach and silently whispered "I love you".


	18. Chapter 18

It had been a week since Connors mum had passed. He had been more quiet than usual but not completely withdrawn from social life. He had never really lost someone close to him before, well there was Jude but nothing like this. He spent most of his days looking through old photos and videos of him and his mum. He didn't leave the flat often, he mostly sat on the sofa or at the table. Jude watched Connor from a far. He knew what Connor was going through, he knew he needed support but also to be left alone to just gather his thoughts. He stood in the doorway by the kitchen watching as Connor stared at a blank piece of paper. Connor was finding it hard to write his mother's eulogy. He spent hours trying to find the right words to describe his mother, fun, caring, loving, but all he could focus on was how she left him, all the time the lost. The last thing he wanted was to remind everyone of that, to know that that was all he could think about. Connor kept scribbling on the paper trying to get the words out, Jude could see the frustration growing on is husband, so much so that he had to duck when Connor threw the pen across the living room. "Hey! Watch it ok" Jude snapped at Connor

"Oh I'm _sorry_ you must be hurting" Connor retorted slamming his hands on the desk

"I know your hurting ok, that's why I'm giving you some space!" Jude responded moving closer to Connor

"Well maybe I don't need space ok! Maybe I need you!"

"I am here for you, I know exactly what you're going through ok the only difference is that you got to say goodbye to your mum, to spend some time with her that you remember."

"I just can't…I just can't find the words to write, to say how I feel." Conor admitted.

"I know that is hard, I know you are struggling, but I am here for you…ok" Jude said sitting next to Connor placing his arm around his shoulder. He watched as Connor started to cry. He tightened his grip on Connor assuring him he was there for him. "Just take your time, take your time and the words will come to you. Just think of all the times you had with her, the first birthday, the first time you remember saying I love you, the way she smiled, the way she smelt, the final moments of her life". Connor looked at Jude who wiped the tears from his partners' eyes. "Thank you… I'm sorry for lashing out"

"It's ok you don't have to apologise. Why don't I leave you two it now that I've shared my wisdom with you" Jude said chuckling.

"Thanks". Jude headed towards the bedroom but not before glancing at Connor one last time who had begun to write on new sheet of paper. Je reached into his trouser pocket and dug out his phone. He scrolled through the contacts and began to make a call, "Hey its Jude, it's late and I'm sorry. I know you were due out in a week but any chance you could come by sooner? It just… I think Connor really needs you know"

"I'll be out in two days" A rugged voice replied.

"Cheers I'll see you in a couple of days" Jude smiled as he hung up the phone and placed it in his pocket whilst glancing at a photo of Connor, himself and Kathy.

Jude sat on the sofa watching late night TV whilst Connor was in the kitchen making a snack before bed. Connor did this regularly, Jude never fully understood why, "Why do you always eat before bed?" he asked as Connor shuffled up beside him

"Because I'm hungry and it's called a late nigh snack for a reason" Connor replied taking a bite out of his sandwich

"If I had known this was happening I never would have married you" Jude uttered back sarcastically.

"I think you would have". Suddenly a knock on the front door caused both Jude and Connor to avert their gaze from each other, "Who could it be at this time?" Jude asked

"Maybe it a Jehovah's Witness with a caffeine problem" Connor sarcastically commented "How do I know I can't see through walls". Connor placed the plate down and brushed the crumbs from his mouth and sweatpants onto the floor. Connor opened the door and was surprised to see Adam standing there in front of him, "Dad? What are you doing here? I thought you weren't due out till next week?"

"I was. But someone was concerned and suggested I come out a few days earlier" Adam said glancing at Jude who was standing a fair way back from Connor.

"JJJUUDDEE!" Connor announced

"You were having trouble with your eulogy and coping. I figured that If Adam came out earlier he could help you. You both need each other at this time".

"I know it's late and I'm sorry but I was due out on a later flight tomorrow but I managed to get one out today. However that means that my hotel…" Connor cut him off

"You need a place to stay tonight?"

"Yeah"

"Sure come on in" Jude said inching closer towards Connor and directing Adam through the hallway. "Well anyway I have to be up early tomorrow so I'm going to hit the hay" Jude continued. "But uh Connor just mad a snack so the two of you could stay up and talk."

"You made a late night snack?" Adam enquired raising his eyebrow

"Yeah I always do it…sometimes…I think I got it from you"

"I could go for a snack, what did you make?"

"Just…a…um…ham and cheese toasty" Connor spoke pointing at the plate "If you want I could make you one?"

"Sure". Connor made his dad a snack then joined him on the couch. Adam had taken off his shoes and propped his feet up on the coffee table. "There you go" Connor said handing his dad the plate

"Cheers Con". They both sat there in an awkward silence.

"Ok so let's talk about the elephant in the room." Adam said "How are you holding up?"

"Well based on what Jude told you I think you can gather that yourself." Connor told Adam.

"It's not easy son. I'm still struggling. Sure your mum and I divorced and we didn't always get on but…" Adam paused. Connor noticed this and pulled him up on it, "What were you going to say?"

"She was the only women I ever truly loved."

"How did you two meet?. I don't think I ever asked you that"

"Well that's a long story"

"I've got time and you have a snack to finish" Connor joked.

Jude stood in the bedroom doorway listening to Connor and Adam's conversation "Your mum and both met in high school. I was the jock and she was the geek. She disliked me and I dislike her, it was a mutual hatred."

"Really?"

"Yeah the two of us couldn't stand each other, every project we got partnered for she did all the work and I just had a laid back approach."

"So how did the two of you end up together if you both hated each other?"

"Well one night we both ended up at the same party. Needless to say drink was involved and our true feelings for each other were _discovered_ that night" Adam smiled at that last comment

"Please don't go any further" Connor pleaded.

"What you wanted to know" Adam chuckled "But in all seriousness I had many girlfriends in high school but she was the only one I ever truly loved." He said holding a picture of Kathy he had picked up of the shelf.

"I guess it's a cliché but opposites attract I guess."

"Look at you and Jude, did you ever think you would end up with him" Adam uttered grabbing Connors shoulder, "Your mum and I had some good times together. Even more when you came along. Like our first family holiday. You were…three I think we headed out to Florida to see family. Seeing your mum so happy with you…" At that point Conor had seen something very rare with his dad. Tears. Connor reached out for his dad and held him tightly hearing the sniffles from his nose and feeling the tears on his own face. Conor knew that he had enough strength to complete his mother's eulogy. He had the courage and memories courtesy from his father and the support from his husband. He reached for the eulogy and a spare scrap of paper. "Tell me everything about me and mum when I was younger."

"You need it for the eulogy?" Adam spoke wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Yeah and personal memories". Jude watched knowing that Connor and Adam were both going to be fine.


End file.
